Page 76 of The Highlander's Alluring Spy
He put his arms around the little girl, pulling her into his lap and giving her a tight hug. Probably it hadn’t been the right thing to lie to the little girl all these days, but he had been in no state to tell her the truth. “Listen,mo chridhe,I have tae tell ye somethin’ tha’ ye’re nae gonnae like very much.”
She leaned into the hug, and he heard the stutter in her little breaths, though he couldn’t tell if she was upset or just bewildered. Nathair stroked her hair as she muttered, “What’s the matter? Is everybody all right? Did Maggie get sicker? Can I see her,please?I promise I willnae touch her, so I willnae get sick.”
“Nay,” he said again, burying his face in her hair, hiding from the world just a little bit longer. “Ye’re gonnae have to spend some time wi’ Betty or the Cook for the next while until we can get ye another nanny. Magnolia is—she had to leave quite suddenly. She was never sick. She started traveling home a couple of days ago.”
Her little body went rigid, and then she pushed away from him so that she could look him in the face. “What?” she demanded in a high pitch that caused the two puppies sleeping in the corner of her room to look up in alarm. “What dae ye mean? Where did she go?”
Nathair’s jaw clenched, but he talked as calmly as he could manage even as his heart tore itself apart. “She went home, chook. She…realized that she didnae belong here. She didnae want to be in Scotland anymore.”
Elaine burst into noisy tears that shattered Nathair’s very soul. “Nay!” she screeched. “Nay, nay, that makes nae sense! What are ye talkin’ about?! Ye said she could stay forever! Did ye send her away, Dadaidh? I thought ye loved her, like me! Yeliedto me! How could ye!”
She was pulling away from him, and Nathair sat there helplessly as she struggled off his lap. He wanted to deny it, wanted to tell Elaine that Magnolia had done this herself, but that—well, it wasn’t right, was it? No matter his reasons, Nathair was the one who had demanded that Magnolia leave without so much as a goodbye.
I couldnae trust her wi’ me heart. I couldnae trust her wi’ me daughter.
But seeing Elaine screaming and sobbing on the floor made him feel like he may drown in the guilt nonetheless.
He slid off the bed to kneel beside her but didn’t try to touch her again. He wouldn’t do so when she was having a tantrum unless she asked for the hug first. He didn’t want to upset her more. “Elaine, me wee darlin’, please listen to me,” he entreated.
“I. Want. Maggie!” she screamed, her face red, and her voice raw. “I want Maggie. Bring meMaggie!”
Me an’ all, Elaine. Me an’ all.
But Nathair couldn’t say that, of course. So instead, he sat there, hurting at his loss, hurting at her betrayal. He stayed falling to pieces as he watched his baby girl cry and hate him for taking away the only thing close to a mother she’d ever had.
* * *
After a week of travel, her carriage finally drew up outside her father’s home.
It’s your home too, remember, Magnolia. Don’t forget that.
But the building, grand and beautiful as it was, seemed unnecessarily extravagant compared to the simple stone of Castle MacFoihl. The sculpted detail and the pristine off-white coloring made it look more like a home for a doll than for a family.
The coachman helped her out, and she tipped him generously with the last of her funds. He tried to help with her bags, but she refused. She hadn’t many things with her, anyway, and she’d rather do the homecoming for herself at the very least.
So the coachman placed her bags on the ground, and she waited until he’d driven off before she picked them up in her hands and headed slowly towards the door.
Magnolia rapped the heavy brass knocker against the door and waited. It didn’t take long before the grand front doors swept open, and the astonished-looking face of their head matron, Mrs. Greene, was framed in the doorway.
“Miss Magnolia!” the old woman cried in happy surprise. “What a shock to see you here, My Lady! I thought you’d be up North for a long time yet!”
“Yes, so did I,” Magnolia replied, trying her best to smile. “Is my father home, Mrs. Greene?”
“He is, he is,” the housekeeper said, standing to the side. “Come in, come in. Jeremy!”
The boot boy appeared as if from nowhere, hurrying forward at the matron’s commands and collecting Magnolia’s bags without a word. Magnolia tried to protest, but too late–he’d already taken them from her and vanished once more by the time she could form a sentence.
Mrs. Greene led her through the house, speaking relentlessly, and Magnolia was actually very relieved by her chatter. The old housekeeper was the type to ask a question then answer it before the responder got a chance to speak. This somewhat impolite habit made conversation very easy when Magnolia didn’t feel like talking much.
They finally reached her father’s study, and Mrs. Greene left her outside the door.
Magnolia took a deep breath and knocked, ready to explain everything. She rehearsed every word in her head while she waited, running through countless possible iterations of the conversation in the few seconds between her nock and the door opening.
Father, it is good to see you, despite my heartache at my requirement to leave so suddenly.
My darling Father, how I have missed you, yet I wish that I saw you not on these terms.
Are you ashamed of me, Father? I surely feel shame on myself, though I am not sure from the same source.
