Page 52 of Tempting the Highland Devil
“I can handle meself, Arran. If ye teach me some more, and let me train with James, then I can take care of meself. I can make sure nay one tries to hurt me again that easily.”
He still shook his head in refusal, and when Yvaine tried to convince him again, he seized her wrists, and spoke in a deep baritone, “Ye are nay hearin’ me, Yvaine. This isnae about ye learnin’ to wield a sword. This is about me duty to ye! I could nae handle it if ye ever got hurt or died!”
He clenched his fist, and she felt her heart sink further. Everything about this man made her feel deeply. Over the years, Yvaine had considered what she felt for him as simply attraction.
She had thought him as a man who made her heart beat faster. Now, he was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.
“All right,” Yvaine whispered and nodded multiple times. She took his hand, placed it on her chest so he could feel her heartbeat, then licked her lips nervously.
They stayed in that embrace for a while, their hearts pounding and beating into one as the seconds ticked away. Arran slowly inched towards her after some time, and his gaze dropped to her lips.
Blood roared in Yvaine’s veins, and she felt dizzy while he came closer. She felt the warmth of his body and smelled the whisky on his breath. All of that combined with his earthy scent made her weak in the knees.
Yvaine could only anticipate what he would do to her. Nothing else came to mind right then, and she let her lids flutter closed till he gently brushed his lips over hers and groaned.
“Go to yer chambers,” Arran ordered in a rough tone that broke into the moment. “Now!”
She sucked in a deep breath but did not move an inch. She was done fearing him.I will not run!
“Arran…”
“Yvaine, please,” he pleaded, his tone softening again. “Ye dinnae want a man like me. I cannae give ye the life ye want. It is bad enough that I have married ye instead of allowin’ ye marry a man who will love and give ye the life ye desire.”
“And what is the life I desire?” she challenged. “Ye dinnae ken the life I desire, Arran. Ye have nay idea what I want!”
Their voices boomed around the study and echoed into the night.
“Ye married me anyway because this is what ye want! It doesnae make ye a monster. It makes ye a man who wants to be loved too.”
“And what happens if I hurt ye? What happens when ye realize this is nay the life ye want? What happens when ye realize that ye want a different life? That ye want bairns? I cannae give ye any of those. My father’s bloodline ends with me! The old bastard doesnae deserve his name to live on.” he seethed.
Yvaine knew he didn’t want bairns, but his anger made her swallow hard.
“What would ye have me do then? Ye just expected that I will accept a marriage like this? Ye took away my chance of having a family, why?”
“I told ye, I dinnae ken,” he whispered in a broken voice. His expression was awfully pained when he added, “I dinnae ken why I did this to ye.”
He shook his head and she looked at him with tears in her eyes.
“I am so sorry,” he continued. “I just…I dinnae want anyone else to have ye! It was selfish, and it made me just like me faither. I wonder how ye havenae noticed it yet. The man was the vilest man I’ve ever met. He treated me maither like she was nothin’…He would hit her and hurt her…He would lock her in her chamber and order nay food or water for her for days. He always did this while I was away, and I could never protect her…”
Yvaine knew she should protect her heart and move away from him, but she could never do that. With Arran, she always softened.
“And then while I was away durin’ one of my travels, I got word of the siege and returned home to me maither’s funeral. I lost the only parent who truly cared about me. I harbored so much anger after that and raged war on the clans involved…I killed many and raged destruction on their lands with the rest of our army.
“The clans retaliated and attacked our villagers, but it did not stop me. I thought I was avenging my maither’s murder. One fateful night, I got back to the castle, broken and exhausted from all the fightin’. I went into her chamber because I wanted to feel close to her, and I found her diary in one of her drawers.
“The servants had not put a thin’ out of place by me orders, and when I found the diary, I read through it and found out me faither had been hurtin’ her more often, so she planned to run from him.
“One of the clan heads was supposed to help her on the same night that she died. This made me ask questions, and so I searched for this clan man and found out he had died on that night too, killed by me faither. His wife told me the truth that night. She told me that me faither had them both killed for their conspiracy, and he lied to me…He lied to me and made me kill thousands of innocent people.”
“That was nay yer fault, Arran,” Yvaine sobbed as she moved closer to him.
“I have killed innocents…I have hurt people. I cannae damn ye to a life with me. Ye deserve far more than this, Yvaine. I will set ye free.”
Her eyes widened. “What? What do ye mean? Arran please…”
Cold fear gripped Yvaine’s heart, and she watched him withdraw from her again. “Ye are free to live as ye want,” he continued. “Ye are free to do as ye want. I shall nay touch ye again or stop ye. I cannae hurt ye. I dinnae deserve ye.”
