Page 65 of Married to the Icy Highlander
Ceana raised her hand and pressed it against his chest to keep some distance between them. She shook her head. “But I cannae just trust ye now.”
As far as she knew, he could just be saying all of these things to her to coax her back to the castle and lock her away in a room. His words meant nothing if there was no action behind them, because he had proven that he could change his mind so quickly, and as such she couldn’t trust him.
“I—” Neil huffed but gave her space. “When me first wife died, the very last thing she had ever said to me was that the babe wasnae mine. She said that I shouldnae be allowed to touch her because I wasnae her faither.”
His lip curled, and his nose twitched as he recalled that moment.
“It was so much more than just learnin’ that she had been unfaithful. It wasnae that she and I were a love match. It wasnae like I would have truly begrudged her a lover of her own had I known about it… had she been honest. But the hatred in her eyes when she told me that she had lied about the bairn bein’ mine, when she took her last breaths… it’s stuck with me.” He paused as he gestured to his chest.
He crouched down, keeping himself centered as he spoke.
Ceana couldn’t move, hanging on his every word. She couldn’t imagine the pain he must have felt.
“At first, I had nay idea who the bairn’s faither was. Every month, Jessica shared me bed, as was expected of both of us in order to make an heir, and… well, I was excited even though the bairn was a girl. As Jeanie grew older, she started lookin’ less like her maither and more like her own person. And then she kept growin’.” Neil sighed, seemingly not too proud of his actions. “For a while, I tried to match her features to those of me clansmen, tryin’ to figure out who her true sire was. I had thought about Arthur a great many times, but I wasnae sure he would betray me like that.”
“But Jeanie’s yer daughter in all the ways that matter.”
“Aye, that’s true. I’m ashamed to say that there were moments when it was hard to accept, to ken that her life started the way it had. But I loved her all the same,” he concluded softly. “It didnae matter to me who her faither was because I was goin’ to be him, as far as anybody kenned. I was the only one who kenned Jessica’s secret, so I decided to keep it. Or so I thought.”
“Ye werenae the only one who kenned, then?”
Neil shook his head. “After the incident yesterday, I confronted Arthur. He didnae even try to deny it. The night of the feast, he had apparently intended to take ye to his bed.”
Ceana sat on the ground beside him, unable to process his words. “That was why ye told me to stay close.”
“I had thought that he was merely drunk and nae thinkin’ clearly, but he set the record straight before we fought,” Neil sighed.
Ceana’s head whipped toward him. “Fought?”
Neil nodded. “I couldnae let him live with the things he had done, the terrible things he said.”
“So, did ye…?”
He nodded once more.
Even though Arthur was a terrible man, the two of them had been friends for so long that it couldn’t have been easy for Neil to kill him. His death must be weighing down on him.
“There willnae be any more rumors. I willnae allow anyone to stain yer honor.”
“I wish ye hadnae felt like ye had to handle all of that on yer own.” She reached over and placed her hand on top of his.
He turned over his hand and curled his fingers around hers. “Will ye come home?”
Ceana started to pull her hand away, but his grip on her tightened. “I cannae return to the castle with ye. I dinnae agreeto yer rules anymore, Neil. I dinnae want a white marriage. I want love.”
She couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eyes as she said it, though she could feel her face reddening.
He released her hand and hooked his fingers under her chin, tilting her face up to his. “Easy. I’m already madly in love with ye.”
Ceana didn’t know who moved first. She didn’t know if he leaned in to kiss her or if she had thrown herself at him. She had hoped to hear those words from his lips for so long, and they still sounded sweeter than anything she could have imagined. It was all that she wanted.
“I cannae live without ye, wife. I willnae survive. I want yer laughter and yer temper. I want yer fire.”
He pulled her onto his lap right there on the edge of the woods, wrapped his arms around her tightly, and kissed her deeply as if he could pour his remorse and his yearning for her into the single gesture.
Her forehead rested against his when she came up for air, her arms still looped around his neck as she smiled.
“Though I do hope ye will still abide by one of me rules, at least,” he said in that husky voice that she loved so much.
