Page 45 of Promise Me This Christmas
Larkin threw up her hands.“Seriously?That’s all you have to say in your defense?Did it even occur to you to check with me before contacting him?What if seeing Andrew again just made me relive the trauma?How could you possibly know if I was strong enough to handle that?”
That thought hammered him.“Did it?”he asked quietly.“Did seeing him again make you…”
“No.”She sounded surprised.“Actually it didn’t.”
“Are you sure?”If he’d compounded her injury he didn’t think he could live with that.
“I—I think so.Those words I said to him?They were the same words I spoke to my therapist when we role-played confronting Andrew about what he’d done.But it did feel…I don’t know, cathartic?…to say them to his face.”She took a deep breath.“That doesn’t mean I forgive you for inviting him to Marietta.”
“In my defense—as weak as it is—you weren’t supposed to be here.”He hesitated, then added, “Why did you come to the bar anyway?”
She turned her head away.“It was a stupid reason.”
“This sounds interesting.”
But instead of explaining, she stuffed her hands in her pockets and started walking.
The storm had not abated during the time he’d been at Grey’s.All was silent, except for their boots crunching through the snow.The fluffy crystals coated everything: rooftops and pine trees, garlands and Christmas lights.It would have been a perfect winter night if not for the wind, which seemed to face them at every turn.
The weather seemed a perfect metaphor for the mess he’d made of things tonight.He’d felt like he wouldn’t know any peace until he confronted Andrew, man to man.And he still felt that what he’d done had been necessary.But it hadn’t been right for Larkin, and that was the problem.The least he could do was be honest about that.
“You’re right,” he finally said.“I arranged that meet-up with Andrew to make myself feel better.When all I should have cared about was what you needed.”
“I don’t like what you did.But I appreciate the honesty.”A few seconds passed, then he heard her sigh.“I guess I should be honest too.I got sort of jealous when you said you had plans this evening.I thought maybe you were…”
She didn’t finish, and it took him a moment to figure out where she’d been headed.“You thought I was meeting another woman?”
She jerked her head in a quick nod.“For all I know you were dating a string of women before I showed up.”
“Not a one,” he assured her.“I’ve been pretty honest about my feelings for you.Why would you think I’d want to meet up with another woman?”
“Trust has been an issue for me,” she admitted.“And it turned out you had been going behind my back.Though not for the reason I guessed.”
He didn’t know what to say to that.They were back at Bramble House, and he guessed this evening wasn’t going to end with a kiss or even a nightcap.He walked with her to the porch and was relieved when she didn’t go straight up to her room, but paused for a moment, looking at him.
He wouldn’t do his cause any good if he told her how hot she looked when she was furious.He was partial to the puffy coat and scarf look.But when he tried to adjust the scarf as he’d done on the toboggan hill earlier, she batted his hand away.
“These past few days have felt surreal.Sometimes I feel like it’s only been a few weeks since I last saw you.Other times you seem like a totally different person from the Carson I grew up with.”
“People change, but not at their core.You know me better than almost anyone else in the world.”
“You figure that works both ways?”
“That I know you?Yeah, I do.Which only makes me feel even more shitty that I didn’t see the game Andrew was playing back then.I feel so damn guilty about that.That’s why tonight happened.”
“Getting a chance to confront him face-to-face was more healing than I thought it would be,” she admitted.“But that punch.No wonder our world is in such a mess.Men need to realize that violence isn’t the way to solve problems.”
“You’re right.The punch solved nothing.But tell me honestly.Wasn’t it just the tiniest bit satisfying to see that jackass get knocked off his feet?”
She glared at him.Then the corners of her mouth lifted ever so slightly.“I hate to admit it, but it did feel good.”
Relief washed over him, but it didn’t last.
As she opened the door, she gave him one parting shot.“That doesn’t mean I’m not still furious with you though.”
*
Larkin pushed asidethe curtain and looked out the window of her Montana Sapphire room at the star-studded sky.Her hands might be steady, but her insides were still quaking.She’d role-played confronting Andrew in her therapy sessions but tonight had been the ultimate.Accusing him to his face and seeing his obvious guilt had been a vindication of sorts.And yes, Carson’s punch had felt good too.Much as she deplored using violence to solve problems, she couldn’t deny the primal pleasure she had gotten watching the creep crumple to the floor.
