Page 13 of Flirtasaurus
“Well, it’s clearly the most pressing matter we need to tackle first.”
“Clearly.”
“Sarcasm…” she says with a warning tone.
“Yeah, it’s not going anywhere anytime soon.”
“We’ll see about that. But first, here. Choose your brow path.”
She hands me a damp brochure, saturated in beer.
“Choose my what?”
“Your brow path. Our gal is going to come over soon for our shaping.”
I scan the pamphlet that reads “Hop in the Barrel: Philly’s Local HOP-Spot for Brows and Brews” and see the many choices I have for brow shaping while sipping and soaking in beer. I can’t help but roll my eyes.
“See, Sasha, this is the kind of silly shit I’m talking about.”
“Surrender to the bouge, Calliope. Surrender to the bouge.”
Chapter Four
Man, I’m starting to sweat. We’re talking about six-year-olds here. Am I really going to be intimidated by a bunch of six-year-olds?
Apparently, I am.
“It’s clear you don’t know as much about dinosaurs as you think you do.”
This comes from Finn, a self-proclaimed dinosaur expert.
It’s day two of my first week. In theory, I am in the midst of leading my inaugural education session with “Dino Diggers,” a group of local first graders who want to learn about all things prehistoric. In actuality? I am just trying to keep these small humans alive and accounted for until their caregivers arrive to collect them in forty-five minutes, at which point I can finally breathe again.
“Hm. Why do you say that, Finn?”
“Because you just pronounced Diplo-DOCK-us like Dip-LOD-ocus. It’s not Dip-LOD-ocus, it’s Diplo-DOCK-us.”
This kid makes me feel dizzy.
“It’s actually not, sweetheart.”
“It is, sweetheart!”
Oh, snap! Is he mocking me?
“Let me ask you this. Where do you get your information, Finn?”
“YouTube videos. Duh.”
“Gotcha. Well, I get my info from reading the works of preeminent paleontology scholar Jack Horner, visiting every natural science center in every major metropolitan city I can, constantly scouring the best-seller lists and news articles for the latest fossil findings, and worshiping the work of women like Dr. Eileen Knowles who is blessedly the head of paleontological studies at this here museum. So, yeah.”
He does not seem impressed.
“Keep this in mind, kiddo. YouTube is a cesspool of talentless hacks baiting us all for clicks while offering little to no substance, simultaneously filling our heads with misinformation and lining their pockets with dollah, dollah bills, y'all.”
“What?”
“Just… don’t trust everything you see on the interweb.”
