Page 47 of Flirtasaurus
Silence descends as we all stare at Ralph, who has gotten very juiced over the past minute or so.
I start a slow clap.
“Wow, let’s all thank Ralph! I had no idea we were going to get treated to such an inspiring speech.”
“Yeah, me neither,” he says as he stares down at his shoes, looking all sorts of embarrassed now.
“Oh, look! Jamie is here now to take you to Critter Corner with Mabel!”
“Yay!” the kids yell in near unison. They really love Mabel. They sling their little backpacks over their shoulders and organize themselves into a line.
“Great work today, diggers! Get ready for tomorrow when we’ll be talking all about flying dinosaurs! Bye, everybody!”
“So,” Ralph says once the last of the kids has shuffled off, and we’re standing here alone.
“So,” I repeat.
“That was a new experience for me.”
“Giving an impromptu valedictorian speech during a kids’ science spring break camp?”
“No, I was referring to last night. That was definitely the first time I’ve needed to be physically removed from a woman’s home.”
“Oh. So we’re just going to breeze past what happened just now?”
“For now, yeah.”
“You sure? Because you seem pretty riled up. What happened, did your boss say you couldn’t narrate the dinosaur program, or…?”
“Last night, after you all but slammed your door in my face, the older lady who lives next to you peeked out from her apartment at me. Her security chain was still in place for her protection from the dangerous man clutching his loafers to his chest, I suppose, and she literally tsk tsk-ed me.”
“She actually said the words tsk tsk?”
“She did.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. Like I said, a new experience.”
He stands there in silence as if I owe him an explanation. I kind of do, right? Yeah, I do. Let’s give it a go.
“I’m really… I mean that’s—”
“What happened? I thought we were having fun.”
“We were.”
“Okay…” He drags out the word.
“You’re just so…”
“I’m so…?”
“You’re just really, really…”
“Oh God, don’t say it.”
“Nice.”
