Page 70 of Flirtasaurus
Ralph grabs the thermos from where I’d unceremoniously chucked it to the floor. He takes one sniff through the tiny mouth spout and says with absolute certainty, “Yup. You’ve been shroomed.”
“Shroomed? I’ve been shroooooomed!?”
“Now, now, can we not say she’s been shroomed like I committed a crime against her?” Otto complains. “You were my witness, Ralph. She physically attacked ME. She stole MY property and ingested it without MY consent. Not the other way around.”
“Well, I didn’t know your drink was laden with drugs, you-you-you… druggie!!”
Okay, that may have been too harsh, but I’m freaking the hell out.
“Alright, alright, let’s keep our voices down,” Ralph whispers, and at that moment, he sounds an awful lot like my mother when we disappointed her in church.
“Thank you,” Otto says with an elegant bow of his head.
“You’re defending him?” I shoot daggers at Ralph.
“Sure,” he says with confidence. “Nothing wrong with shrooms. And you did take the tea from him against his will.”
“But I was—”
“In need of a life-saving measure, I know. Well… maybe you actually got one. In a bigger way than you anticipated.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m actually a bit envious of you right now.”
“What? Why would you be…? Wait a second, you? So you’ve actually…?” Clearly, I’m at a loss for words. “You’ve done the shrooms?”
He laughs at my lame phrasing.
“Well, yeah. Lots of times. Not in a while now, but damn college was a sweet time. What blend you rockin’ in here, Otto?” He takes another quick sniff from the thermos. “Low potency truffles?”
“Oooh, look at you, kid! You have the nose!”
“Thanks, I do, yeah.” Ralph and Otto have the audacity to look proud at this moment.
“I heard low potency. That has to be good. Low potency is good, right?” I squeak.
“Come here,” Ralph says in that sweet voice of his and goes to wrap one arm around me. And because I’m on the verge of losing it, I forget about our platonic museum personas, and I let him. “Yes, low potency is good for your first trip. You’re going to be just fine. I’ll take care of you.”
I bury my face in his shoulder, and mumble, “I’m sorry I called you a druggie, Otto.”
“It’s alright, kid.”
“No, it’s not. That was… judgmental of me.”
“‘Thinking is difficult. That’s why most people judge.’ Carl Jung,” Otto responds.
Look at this guy, laying out the Carl Jung quotes!
“You know something, Otto? Your personality is suddenly making much more sense to me now that I know you’re constantly high.”
“I wouldn’t say I’m high all the time. More like… gently uplifted.”
I sway a tiny bit on my feet.
“Alright,” Ralph says. “Why don’t we sit you down for a few minutes, okay?”
“Okay,” I acquiesce. I’m starting to feel surprisingly easygoing.
