Page 10 of Flirtasaurus
“Alright, but how did your feet feel afterward?”
“Fucking incredible.”
“See?”
“But my animal-loving soul died a small death that day. Not worth it. They did eventually get shut down, didn’t they?”
“I believe so, yeah. Last I checked, the corner of 12th and Walnut was now a Chipotle.”
“Mmmmm. Chipotle.”
“Bleh. If you value your digestive tract, you’ll stay far away from that establishment.”
“I don’t have a tender little tummy like you, lady. I could down a fleet of gas station hot dogs followed up by a side of Sour Patch Kids, then finish things off with a bag of barbecue pork rinds and not even flinch.”
“Your pride blooms around the most bizarre things.”
“What’s bizarre are these ridiculous spa treatments popping up these days. Drives me batty how so many of them arbitrarily pair activities just to be kitschy and fun.”
“Like what?”
I search my brain for examples. “Like… Pedi and Spaghetti.”
“Italian food and pedicures?”
“Subs and Rubs.”
“Hoagies and Massages?”
“Scoops and Poops!”
“Ice cream and colonics!? Where are these brilliant places, and why have I never heard of them?”
“Because they don’t exist, dummy! I’m making them up as we speak.”
“You’re gifted in so many ways, friend. Truly.”
“Thanks. But the ones that really get my goat are the ones that count on animal labor to relax and beautify us. I mean what the hell is going on there? Bird poop facials? Bull sperm hair conditioning? Snake massage?”
“Eh. The bull sperm hair conditioning isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I’ve gotten better results with Pert Plus. But I’m sure the bull wasn’t complaining about his part of the labor, so no worries there. Wink, wink, nod, nod.”
“Gross, Sasha. Just gross.”
“I like to try new things! And we, as women, deserve to be pampered once in a while. Especially when we do incredible things like land a killer job, in an extremely competitive male-dominated field, at a highly respected establishment like The Museum of Natural Sciences. Even if your first day didn’t go quite as planned. Now tell me exactly what the hell you’re doing there? I want to wrap my head around your brilliance.”
My heart rate picks up instantly with the opportunity to talk about what I love most.
“Well, it's this mind-blowing new exhibit we’re putting together called the ‘Trix and Monty Project.’ Get this. The museum acquired two amazing skeletons: a Tyrannosaurus—aka Trix—and an Edmontosaurus—aka Monty. They were excavated in South Dakota last summer, almost fully intact and together. Together!”
“Is that unusual?”
“FUCK YES!”
“Okay! Simmer down, baby girl! What do I know?!”
“It’s highly unusual! I mean, why in the world were a carnivorous, fierce-as-hell, solitary tyrannosaur and an herbivorous, duck-billed, migratory hadrosaur together, as in just the two of them, at the time of their deaths?”
“I dunno. You tell me! Were they fighting? Fucking?”
