Page 5 of Flirtasaurus
“So?”
“Women use the word sorry as a filler way too often. Men don’t do that. Do you do that?”
“I don’t even know what you’re—”
“‘Sorry, could you pass the pepper?’ ‘Sorry, would you mind if I skootched by?’ ‘Sorry, but your massive man thigh is crushing my leg and your not-massive man sac clearly doesn’t need that much room to breathe.’ ‘Sorry, sorry, sorry.’ I have absolutely nothing to be sorry for.”
“No, you absolutely don’t. Okay, I get it. So, let’s go back a bit then and give you a chance to redeem yourself. I was talking… You were ignoring me…”
“I wasn’t ignoring you. I was just…”
“Just…?”
“Well, I guess for a second, I just got a little… I dunno… lost in the sound of your…”
“Voice? You like the sound of my voice?” He suddenly sounds like a demented grizzly bear.
“Well, not when you deepen it like that! What the hell are you doing?”
“I don’t know! You said you liked my voice, so suddenly, I couldn’t speak normally anymore. I guess I was trying to man it up.”
“Well, then man it back down, dude.”
“Like this?”
Ah, that’s better. He’s back to his regularly scheduled rumbly-crumbly-make-my-belly-tumbly programming. Ew. Why am I thinking this way? I sound like a love-sick Dr. Seuss. Get it together, girlfriend.
“Sure. Like that, yeah. That sounds… whatever. Yeah.”
“So, listen. Someday, when we get you out of that elevator, would you, uh… maybe you’d want to, uh… I dunno, grab a coffee or something with me?”
“Sorry, what? I mean ‘fuck you, what?’ I mean… yes! That actually sounds really… “
EEEENG! EEEENG! EEEENG!
And that is the moment when the alarms start sounding full force.
“Damn, that’s loud!”
“What?”
“I said, damn, that’s loud! Is it just in the elevator or out there too?”
“It’s out here too! Looks like people are evacuating. Fire drill? Maybe a delayed reaction to you pressing all the buttons?”
“What if it’s a real fire! Shit, what am I gonna do stuck in here?”
“Don’t worry, I won’t leave the building without you.”
Suddenly, another far less delicious male voice is speaking outside the elevator.
“Sir, you need to leave the building immediately.”
“Understood. But there’s a woman trapped in the elevator.”
“We know. Hence the reason we’re here.”
“A little late, don’t you think? She’s been pressing all the buttons for over ten minutes now.”
