Page 105 of Lovebug
“Got it. Um. Whydidyou call then?” I continue to whisper and turn my back to the door. “And I am not here for sex, Calliope.”
“Mabel. You can’t send a text saying ‘Wally is cooking for me in his shack tonight’ and expect me not to call you. Wait. Whoa.” Her face zooms closer to the screen. ”What the hell is that on your lips?”
“What?” I panic andrace my fingers up to touch my mouth.”Oh. Um. Lipstick?
“Mabel McGonigle is wearing lipstick?!”
“Yes? What? Is that weird? Too much? Should I rub it off?”
“No!” she exclaims emphatically. “I’ve just never seen you wear lipstick before. Ralphalpha, have you ever seen Mabel wear lipstick before?”
Calliope’s boyfriend, Ralph, suddenly pops up on the screen, looking disheveled and happy, startling me.
“Oh no, I guess I haven’t,” he says. “You look great, though, Mabel. Nice to see ya.”
“Thanks, Ralph. Nice to—”
My words cut off when Ralph dives back down where he came from.
“Oh yes baby, that feels amazing,” Calliope moans.
“Um, Calliope? If this isn’t a good time…” I say, feeling super uncomfortable and very much the third wheel all of a sudden.
“Don’t be silly! It’s a great time! Besides,Icalledyou. Anyway,” Calliope continues, “we thought you might benefit from a quick pep talk. Oh god, yes please, never stop what you’re doing, sir.”
How did I get myself into this situation?
“Um, ’we’ as in you and Ralph?” I ask in a small voice. “Because Ralph seems a little busy right now, so…”
“Ralph is an incredible multitasker, but no, not him. Cyndi and Lou. They should be joining the call any second. Oh look, here they are!”
Right on cue, Cyndi and Lou’s faces pop up on screen.
“Git it, girl!” Cyndi says to me. “I’m so psyched for you!”
“Git what?” I ask. “What am I gitting? We’re just having dinner and talking.”
Lou looks saucier than usual when she says, “Girl, you know what you’re gitting. The way that man looked at you today, you can git whatever you want…”
I slide right past that assessment and say, “Thank you again for manning my booth, Lou. I know I left really abruptly and unprofessionally.”
“Oh holy shit,” Calliope moans. “Right there. Hell yes.”
“Whoa,” Cyndi snickers. “Speaking of gitting what you want…”
“What the hell is happening over there?” Louise asks.
“Sis, hey what’s up?!” Ralph pops up onscreen again.
“Ew!” Louise shouts. “God, ew! Calliope, was my brother just going down on you?”
“No! Geez! He’s giving me a foot rub!”
“Oh, thank God!” Louise and I say simultaneously.
“You too, Mabes?” Calliope marvels. “You thought Ralph was downtown on the ladybus, and you stayed on the call with me?”
“The ladybus?” Cyndi murmurs in disapproval.
