Page 130 of Lovebug
“Look at that lineup of humans, Mabel. Really look at them. Every single one of these people has contributed to who you are. Even—perhaps especially—the ones who didn’t say or do the right things. Even—perhaps especially—the ones who hurt you. You have to find a way to be steady in who you are, despite what the people around you are saying and doing. Despite whotheydecide you are. It doesn’t mean you have to rush to forgive them. It doesn’t mean you need to dismiss the things that they’ve done. But you do need to find a place for them that allows you to keep growing and changing in the ways you want to grow and change.”
Damn, Mariska slash Olivia is so insightful.
“Want to hear one thing I know for sure?” she asks as I continue to scan the lineup of—in the words of Ice-T—characters, cats, punks and skunks from my life.
“Yes, of course,” I respond quietly as I watch Swayze doing those sexy hip circles he’s known to do. Can you blame me? They’re mesmerizing.
“You are loved,” she says.
“I am loved,” I repeat.
“You are not a victim.”
“I am not a victim.”
Just then, the room is bombarded with green smoke and purple strobe lights! The sounds of a bass guitar playing a funky jazz rhythm bounces through the air!
“Speaking of victims…” a creepy, crackly voice fills the space as a massive, human-sized praying mantis stomps her way through the lineup, tearing off head after head after head.
I scream, but no sound comes out. The mantis hears me, though. She whips around to look at me, and says, “Oh Mabel! Would you like to be next?”
Again, I try to speak—to answer her—but nothing comes out.
“Mabel?”
“Mabel?”
“Mabel.” The voice morphs to a more tender, familiar one.
“Mabel sweetie, wake up.”
I startle awake, the dream I just had fading away as all my awareness snaps to attention in the here and now.
Mildred, the elderly camp nurse is standing over me, concern in her eyes and an apology on her lips. “Sorry to startle you dear. Are you alright?”
“Fine, yes. I’m always fine.” For the first time I really hear myself say those words. The words I have said throughout my life as a mantra.
“Did you… sleep here last night? Also, why are you dressed like a slender black sea lion with extremely puffy hair?”
I shoot up to sit on the little cot I passed out on last night and pat my hands along my body, landing on my still buoyant curly coif. Wow, Aqua Net is not messing around.
After I left my parents’ house, I realized too late that I didn’t actually have a place to go. Calliope is in Mexico, Cyndi was staying at Stuart’s, and as much as I’ve come to love Louise in the short time I’ve known her, it didn’t feel right springing a surprise sleepover on her. Of course I could have gone to Wally’s, but… I don’t know. I just felt like I needed some space to really hear my own thoughts. Plus, I didn’t want to subject him to any more drama. He’d likely witnessed enough in those few short minutes with my parents to last him a lifetime. So, that left the arboretum’s health center as my crash pad for the night. I didn’t realize until I arrived that in my haste to get the heck out of there last night, I neglected to grab my overnight bag. Hence, the reason I’m still fully costumed.
“I did sleep here, yes,” I say in a still sleep-crunchy voice. “And the outfit is because…” I consider lying to her for a moment, but if the past month has taught me anything, it’s that lies only lead to heartache. So, I look this sweet lady directly in the face, and say, “Mildred, sometimes you just gotta snap on some spandex for a little role play and shake things up in the ole sex life, you know?”
“Girlfriend, say no more,” Mildred says with seriousness. “Last night, my Harold and I played a few rounds of cocky pilot and the sassy stewardess, and I’ll just say that I woke up this morning with peppity pep in my steppity step.”
Mildred, my goodness. Who knew?
“Is he hiding in here somewhere?” She whips her head left and right, bends down to peek under the cot, then says quietly out of the corner of her mouth, “Because I will happily create a diversion to get him out of here without any of the higher-uppers seeing his exit.”
“That’s amazing and much appreciated, Mildred.” I stifle my laugh. “But it’s not necessary. I stayed here solo.”
“Alright, then. Well, if you ever need a wing-woman in the future, I’m your girl.” She pats me hard on the back. “For now, though, you better get yourself together and head out. They’ve been calling your name over the loudspeaker for the past twenty minutes.”
“They have?” Panic arises in my chest. “What time is it? What’s happening?” I don’t deal well with being late, being in trouble, being anything less than responsible.
I peer out the window of the health center and see that daily camp operations are in full swing. Various groups of tiny campers march between checkpoints.
