Page 28 of Lovebug
It is a completely legitimate and wildly successful business.”
“Let me see the flyer.” He reaches his large hand in my direction.
I look down, and I’m still grasping the tri-fold. I was shaking it like a baton to emphasize my points and didn’t even realize it. I hand it over.
While he scans the flyer, I attempt to continue my spiel. “As you’ll see, we’re having a vitamin cocktail party this Monday night. I’d love it if you wanted to attend.”
“Tell me something. The people who brought you into this ‘business’—”
“No air quotes necessary,” I remind him sweetly.
“What do you call them, your downline?”
“Upline, actually,” I say with pride as I point upward.
“Right. Your upline. And when your upline brings new people on board, and the team spreads down, what shape is created?”
He’s tracing the shape in the air
“A triangle.”
“Right.Or… a pyramid.”
I try to argue. “A triangle is not the same thing as a—”
“It’s a pyramid. Don’t fool yourself.”
He says this as he shovesthe pamphlet back in my direction. Like the conversation is closed. But this conversation is not closed. At least not for me.
“I need a man!” I blurt.
He hesitates for half a second before saying, “I assumed you had one.”
“Oh. Really? Why?”
“Well, either an iceberg crapped on your ring finger, or you have yourself a man.”
He’s staring down at my hand, and I have the strangest impulse to hide it in my fanny pack.
“Just out of curiosity… is this crapping iceberg phrase a common one I should be expecting to hear from more people?” I ask. “And hey, why wouldn’t you assume I had a-a-a-a woman?”
“Because women tend to have more taste than whoever bought you that monstrosity,” he says. “No, that there on your finger is definitely the work of some man-shmuck attempting to compensate for the areas where he is sorely lacking, which I’m guessing are varied and many.”
“You know something?” I say, feeling the pitch in my voice rising.
“What’s that?” he asks, all brawn and bluster.
“I’m starting to think you’re not a very nice person.”
“Then you’re starting to think correctly.”
“And just so we’re clear, I didn’t mean I need a man for…meand my, um… personal needs. I assure you, those are well met.”
“Glad to hear it, though I can’t say I believe you.”
I choose to ignore that completely unwarranted slight and continue.
“What I meant was that my team needs male members.”
