Page 120 of Sharkbait
After a few moments of silence when neither of us seems to know how to move forward, she says, “So tell me.”
“Tell you what?”
“You said I don’t know the circumstances of how you became a dad or what your relationship is like with her mom. So… tell me.”
“Eva and I—that’s Iris’s mom’s name, Eva—we grew up together in Hawaii. She was my literal girl next door. We did everything together. The best friend I ever had. Until Wally, that is. Those two are pretty much neck-in-neck now for the people who have had the most influence on my life. Not that it’s a competition or anything.”
God, I’m rambling and justifying.
Why should this be so hard to talk about?
I check in with Louise, and she’s just waiting patiently, sipping on her beer and hanging on my every word.
I continue, “You know I moved here after my mom passed, and that’s when the drinking started becoming a problem.”
She nods.
“Well, Eva and I stayed in touch throughout it all. We wrote letters, made phone calls, and supported each other as friends as best we could from afar. And that’s all it ever was. A friendship. The best kind of friendship. Fast-forward a bunch of years, and between my AA meetings, Eva and Wally’s support, and the sense of purpose I felt with the traveling blog, I had the drinking under control for a really long time. But then about eight years ago, my dad got sick, so I curbed my travel and put down solid roots in Philly again to be close to him. I started Adventure Bar, and that took off in an exciting way. But when my dad died, it brought up all kinds of stuff that I thought I’d dealt with, but apparently not enough. I had my first drinking relapse in years. Eva traveled up here for the funeral and to help get me back on track, but I don’t know… the emotions got mixed up and confused, and we ended up having this one drunken night.”
“Which resulted in Iris.” Louise can obviously see where this is going.
“Yeah. We knew the next morning we were better off as friends, and it wouldn’t happen again,” I say. “But then when we found out Eva was pregnant, we agreed to do everything in our power to co-parent this baby the best way we could. Eva moved up here with me, and we raised Iris here full-time until nine months ago, when we decided they’d be happier in Hawaii, close to Eva’s family. I have to tell you, the whole experience has never been anything but joyful.”
“That’s good,” Louise says with a gentle smile.
“Is it. I feel incredibly lucky for that. But I do need you to know something.”
“What’s that?”
“There’s absolutely nothing romantic between Eva and me. She’s moved on, and so have I. But she and Iris are my family, and I’m committed to that. To them.”
“You think that’s going to scare me away?” she asks with a smile.
“Um. Yes? Learning about their existence pretty much sent you running and screaming from me last night.”
“I felt lied to.”
“I know. I promise I won’t let that happen again.”
“And I didn’t want any part in keeping you away from your daughter. She’s adorable, by the way. Seems like you and Eva are doing an amazing job with her.”
“Thank you. That—” I swallow. “That means a lot.”
“James. You telling me that you’re committed to your family is exactly what I needed to hear. Don’t worry, I’ll keep my distance when they visit in a few weeks.”
“Please don’t,” I say. “With me leaving after the holidays, I only have so much time here with you. And you heard Iris, she wants to meet you! And Meilani too.”
She winces. “But aren’t you only supposed to meet someone’s kids once the relationship is serious? What do we tell her about us?”
“What I already told her. That we’re friends.”
“Is that all we are?” she asks softly. “Friends?”
What I want to say is hell no we’re not just friends. I don’t spend every day and night fantasizing about my just friends. I don’t obsessively brainstorm things I can say or do to make my just friends smile. And I certainly don’t agonize over the ticking of the clock because every minute that goes by is one less I get to spend with my just-friend.
“How about friends who fling?” That’s the boneheaded compromise I come up with.
She laughs. “Friends who fling?”
