Page 33 of Bringing Home the Bacon
Alex raises his hand like he’s in a classroom. “Here’s what I don’t understand. You’re how many months pregnant now?”
“Around four months,” I say.
“Right. Four months. How have you missed the signs for four months?” Alex says, and it feels all sorts of condescending to my ears.
“Yeah, I’ve been wondering that too,” Ethan says.
“Me too,” Sam chimes in.
“Actually, me too.” Jackson says through the phone, his green eyes narrowing.
“Well,” I stretch out the word for added sarcasm. “Since you’re all so curious about my reproductive system…”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, nobody said that.” Alex puts his fork down with a clank.
“Nonono, please, brothers, let me give you the full details that you’re all desiring so deeply.”
I may as well have fun with this.
“See, I’ve always had an irregular menstrual cycle, guys.”
Ethan chokes on a bite of toast.
“That must be hereditary,” Gran says. “Your mother was the same way.”
“Was she?” I give my grandmother my full attention. “Wow. I didn’t know that.”
It’s probably strange for something like that to make me feel closer to my mom, but it does. At one point, she was very much alive, like me, and she experienced some of the same ups and downs that living in a body can bring. Bodies can be bizarre. And they can be beautiful. Miraculous even. Like how is it possible that without my knowledge, my body has been forming a baby inside me these past few months?
Back to disturbing my brothers.
“Crazy, right, guys? Yeah, some months I just have real light spotting. Cute little red speckles. That’s it! Other months, though? It’s like a slasher movie down there! Just days and days of nonstop bleeding.”
“Please make her stop,” Alex says to Gran.
“No way!” I say. “You want to be informed, right? I mean, isn’t that why you all called this meeting? So yeah, these past few months were of the spotting and speckling variety. Or so I thought. Looks like I skipped three periods entirely. But I barely noticed with all the financial stress at the farm. You may not know this, but stress can affect menstruation. However, I did notice my breasts were consistently sore—which can be a sign of pregnancy. But honestly, when you’re rocking double Ds on a tiny frame like I am, your breasts and back are kind of always sore. In hindsight, though, my nipples were unusually tight and tingly and?—“
“Point made!” Ethan says, exasperated. “We don’t need all the details.”
“You sure?” I ask sweetly. “Because I thought maybe I’d explain all the positions the reality star and I did that night too if you’re interested. They do say certain positions are more conducive to conceiving. Angles matter, apparently. And we tried quite a few. If I had to choose, I’d say my favorite one was?—”
“Alright, guys!” Alex takes a last swig of his orange juice and stands up. “Are we doing this or what?”
Uh-oh. I think my impromptu plan may be backfiring.
Ethan rises from the table. “Hell yeah, we’re doing this. Sam?”
“I’m in. Jackson?”
“Yeah. I’m in too. Virtually anyway. Buzz me when you get there. Signing off to get some sleep.” His screen goes black.
I get to my feet too. “You’ll buzz Jackson when you get where? What are you up to?” I’d be lying if I said seeing my brothers work as a team wasn't nice, but I have a bad feeling about whatever they’re doing.
“They’re not going anywhere until they take their dishes to the sink,” Gran says. “No grandsons of mine will rush away from a meal and expect the women to clean up after them.”
“Yes, Gran,” all three of them mumble as they collect their plates.
Gran has always leaned a bit more toward the progressive side of things, but her feminism has ratcheted up a few notches since our grandad passed.
