Page 28 of Pucking Matt
As he readsAmby's message, I press my lips together. She did this to me on purpose. I need to focus on myself tonight? Right. Did she tell the guy to read her private message to me too?
“I’ll give you a minute.” He nods. “Amby sounds really nice and thoughtful.”
I run to grab my wallet. She sure is.
Zack watches me walk by. “Who’s Amby?”
I shake my head.
“How much is it?” I ask the guy, bracing myself for the answer.
“It's $198.67.”
I inhale sharply, nearly choking on my own spit. Two hundred bucks for takeout? What did she order, gold-plated rice? It smells like rice.
Gritting my teeth, I hand over my card. As much as it pains me to admit it, I've got to give Amber credit for this one. I didn't even know Uber Eats accepted door payments.
“Okay. Thank you,” the delivery guy says, handing me back my card and the bags of overpriced mystery food.
As I close the door, Zack pokes his head out of the kitchen. “What was that about?”
I sigh, heading to the counter to reveal what I just spent two hundred dollars on. “Just a little game I'm playing with someone.”
I open the bag, and the real smell hits me is... interesting. It's sushi, but not like any I've seen before. The pieces are topped with what looks like raw meat, and the whole thing looks about as appetizing as Zack's burnt offerings.
“Well,” I mutter, staring at the culinary monstrosity before me. “This is certainly something I would never eat.”
Zack peers into the container. “Dude, what the hell is that?”
I shake my head, a reluctant grin spreading across my face. “That, my friend, is…” I read the receipt. “Natto. Gyusashi. Porkbelly and Clams, Tuna Roll BLT. What the fuck?” The list continues, but I stop reading, dissecting what’s before me. “Want some?”
When we open the other containers, Zack is making funny faces.
“I don’t know.”
I cackle. “Food is food. Let’s try one of each.”
He shakes his head, hesitant. “Fuck it. Let’s do it.”
“Yeah.” I smack his back. “First a pic.” I put all the containers together and take a good photo. I post it, even though Amber doesn’t follow me. Maybe Jen does.
I stare at the array of exotic sushi before me, questioning if this is the best idea. Nobody says we have to eat it.
“Well, here goes nothing,” I mutter, reaching for the labelled Natto sushi first.
Natto, as I quickly learn, is fermented soybeans. The smell alone is enough to make me question my life choices. It's pungent, with a weird slimy texture that reminds me of the time I accidentally left a protein shake in my gym bag for a week.
I pop it in my mouth and immediately regret every decision that led me to this moment. The taste is unique, to put it mildly. It's slimy and sticky, with a flavor that's somewhere between ammonia and feet. The fermented beans have a strong, nuttytaste that lingers on my tongue, making me wish I'd never developed taste buds.
I glance over at Zack, who looks like he's contemplating all his life choices. We lock eyes, both of us struggling to chew and swallow what feels like a mouthful of snot-covered beans.
“Dude,” Zack gasps after finally swallowing. “That was...”
I nod, trying to scrape the taste off my tongue with my teeth. “Yeah. Ready for the next one?”
We move on to the pork belly and clam sushi. The combination sounds weird enough on its own, but the reality is even worse. The texture is a nightmare – soft, fatty pork contrasting with the rubbery chewiness of the clam. It's like trying to eat a piece of bacon wrapped around a rubber band.
The flavors clash in my mouth, the saltiness of the pork fighting with the briny taste of the clam. It's like a war is happening on my taste buds, and there are no winners here, only victims.
