Page 49 of Pucking Knox
And I can't break. Not now. Not with the combine and scouts watching and everything I've worked for finally in reach.
Even if it means losing the one thing that makes it all worth it.
Even if it means breaking both our hearts.
Better to end it now. Let shit work its course. Use this as fuel to be whoever the fuck I am. And if she’s right about me, then maybe she’ll wait around. I shake my head at that thought.
Hell would freeze over before a girl like Kennedy would sit around and fucking wait for me.
I am my father's son after all.
A piece of shit.
Chapter 19
My knees hit the cold parking lot asphalt as Knox's truck disappears into the night. The sound that escapes my throat doesn't even sound human – something between a sob and a scream that's been building since he first pulled away from my touch.
I can still smell his cologne on his jersey that I'm wearing. Can still feel his hands pushing me away. Can still hear the disgust in his voice when he talked about my "impossible standards."
"Kennedy?" Ace's voice seems far away. "Holy shit – Grey, over here!"
Strong hands lift me from the ground, but I can't stop shaking. Can't stop the tears that blur the stadium lights into starbursts. Can't stop remembering how cold Knox's eyes were when he said he should’ve let me blackmail him because that would’ve been easier.
"I'm going to kill him." Ace's voice vibrates with rage. "I'm actually going to murder my best friend."
"Get her home first." Grey, always practical, wraps his jacket around my shoulders. "Kill him after."
"He just..." I try to form words through the tears. "He thinks I want him to be perfect. That I don't see him. That I'm just some stupid girl caught up in the idea of us."
"Shh." My brother pulls me close, letting me cry into his chest like when we were kids. "I've got you, sis. Let's get you home."
The drive to my dorm is a blur. I'm vaguely aware of Grey calling someone – probably Maddie to call Sawyer – and Ace muttering threats about Knox's manhood, but all I can focus on is the hollow space in my chest where something vital used to be.
Sawyer's waiting in our room, claiming something is cooking in the microwave and a movie is ready.
"Oh, Kenny." She opens her arms and I fall into them, fresh tears soaking her sweater. "Let it out."
"I'll kill him," Ace says again from the doorway.
"Not helpful." Sawyer shoots him a look. "Go cool off. I've got her."
Once the boys leave, Sawyer pulls me onto her bed, wrapping us in her fuzzy blanket like we're freshmen again, sharing secrets and dreams.
"What happened?"
"He thinks..." I hiccup through tears. "He thinks I expect this perfect boyfriend. That I don't understand his demons or accept his flaws or... god, Sawyer, how could he think that? After everything?"
"Because he's terrified." She strokes my hair. "He’s a coward."
"His dad showed up tonight. There were scouts there. I think he probably got triggered and felt pressured, and I was there, probably adding to the fire."
"Have you told him that you love him?"
"I tried! But he wouldn't listen. He just kept saying he couldn't be what I need, couldn't handle the pressure of my expectations..." Fresh tears spill. "Like I'm some stupid princess who needs a perfect prince."
"Knox Thompson has exactly two brain cells," Sawyer declares, "and they're both hockey-shaped."
That startles a wet laugh from me. "I just... I thought we were going somewhere good. The beach house was so good, Saw. I thought what we had was real, but then we came back and he was doing interviews and still faking it."
