Page 54 of Pucking Knox
How do I explain to scouts that I'm not violent, I'm protective?
How do I tell Kennedy that I pushed her away because I love her too much to risk breaking her?
How do I admit that everyone was right – I'm a coward running away – that the pain of my mother leaving me is fucking up my entire life?
My phone buzzes. A text from Grey.
Grey: She's not eating. Ace says she's throwing herself into campaign stuff being the perfect daughter again. This what you wanted?
No. God no. I wanted her safe. Wanted her free from my damage. Wanted her to have everything she deserves.
Instead, I made her small again. Made her doubt herself. Made her think my fears were her fault.
Some things are better left unfixed, my father's voice whispers in my head.
But Kennedy's voice is louder:You don't get to make me feel stupid for loving you.
The combine looms like a death sentence. Four days to prove I'm more than violence and poor decisions. Four days to show scouts I'm worth the risk.
Four days to get my fucking shit together.
Grey sends me another news alert. I glance at him leaving the locker room. He’s playing it cool, not looking at me.
SENATOR WALTERS RELEASES STATEMENT: DAUGHTER FOCUSING ON STUDIES, ENDING RELATIONSHIP WITH TROUBLED HOCKEY PLAYER
It's official.
She's done.
Maybe this is what I deserve – watching her become small and perfect again. Watching my dreams crumble because I was too scared to be loved. Watching everything fall apart because I couldn't trust myself.
Just like my father.
Just like I always feared.
Just like—
No.
I grab my phone, pulling up Kennedy's number before I can think better of it. My finger hovers over the call button.
Fix this, Wilson said.
You're nothing like him, she said.
I hope being alone is everything you think you deserve.
Four days until the combine.
Four days to prove them all wrong.
Four days to become someone worthy.
If it's not too late.
If she'll answer.
If I can finally be brave enough to choose love over fear.
