Page 63 of Pucking Knox
"You can't take him back." He says, storming into the house. "Not after what he did."
"Hi, Ace."
"No, Ken." He runs a hand through his hair. "I loved Knox like a brother, but I watched you cry more than I’ve ever seen you cry before. Watched you try to be perfect again because he made you–"
"Made me what?"
"You can’t go through it again." His voice softens. "You deserve someone who doesn't run when things get hard. Who doesn't make you doubt yourself. Who doesn't need a grand gesture to choose you."
The worst part is, he's right.
He sits on the couch across from me, staring out at the view.
I admit, "I kissed him, but I haven’t made a decision. I didn’t want to ruin his future, so I did what I thought was best at the time."
He leans back, taking a long moment as he watches me. "Were you happy?"
I mimic him, falling into the couch and shrug. "In the moment, yeah. It felt good, but now…"
"Yeah," he adds. "I bet."
Ace convinces me back to the combine to support him and not Knox. So I do and I tell myself it's to support Ace. But my eyes find Knox immediately – focused and powerful as he dominates the physical tests.
He spots me in the stands. Our eyes lock and a shiver travels across my body, same as always. His face lights up, and now I understand his urgency to flee. This feeling in my stomach is making me sick. Is this how he feels? Like I’ve smothered him and haven’t given him any room to breathe?
His speech was…good, but it’s not enough. Words are not enough.
I stand up and leave before he can reach me.
When I’m sitting in my room, my phone shows his contact info when I unblock his number. My thumb hovers over "call" for a long moment before I close the app.
Some things are harder to fix than others.
Some trust, once broken, leaves scars.
Some love stories need more than grand gestures to heal.
"Take all the time you need," Sawyer says that night as I stare at my phone. "It can’t be easy. But he is trying."
"Now he's trying." I curl deeper into my blankets. "After he saw me with Harvey."
She scoffs. "He’s an idiot."
"And I'm supposed to just forgive him? Because he’s an idiot?"
"No." She sits beside me. "You're supposed to decide if what you had is worth fighting for. Worth risking your heart again."
Before I can answer, Ace calls.
"Tell me you're not considering taking him back," Ace says, flustered. I can tell this has been heavy on his mind. Lately, he is so invested in what I’m doing.
"I'm not considering anything." But my voice lacks conviction.
"Good. Because this is driving me crazy. Is it driving you nuts too? Or is it just me?"
I chuckle. "It’s not just you."
"I hate this shit. See, this is why I don’t date. This has gotten way out of hand. Look, Ken, I don’t want you to get hurt again."
