Page 15 of Beachy Sweetheart
That was a lot of fun, though. But I have no desire to get back into it.
Kevin: Maybe you’ll find a Little that needs to figure out hobbies too and you can discover something fun together.
Wouldn’t that be a dream?
Kevin: Excited for tonight? Have you talked to anyone?
Andy: There’s this sweet guy named Trevor that doesn’t have a Daddy that I volunteered to be his weekend Daddy.
Kevin: Heck yeah! I hope you two click! I hope he’s your dream boy.
I sigh. That would be lovely.
Andy: It’ll be a nice trial run.
Kevin: True. True. Tell me all about it Monday, ‘kay?
Andy: Will do. Thanks for pushing me.
Kevin: You just needed a tiny nudge ;)
I go back to staring out the window. Kevin really is right though, I’ve become a boring stiff that doesn’t know how to have fun. What if Trevor thinks I’m boring?
No, tonight is going to be a blast, I just know it. But just in case…
I rush to my guest room, well, guess room now. It used to be Ryan’s playroom, but when we broke up, I painted over the bright murals with blue gray paint and furnished it with a queen sized bed and matching dresser. I long to make it a Little paradise again though. I kept a few things and rummage through the top dresser drawer to find the stuffie I’m looking for. A small purple teddy with a magnet in its bottom so I can wear the stuffie on my shoulder. He’s silly, but I love it and I think it’ll make Trevor laugh.
My heart aches realizing how long I’ve forced myself to suffer. My smile falters. I hadn’t realized how much I miss being a Daddy. Being someone’s person. Holding this small bear in my hands rips open all my old raw emotions.
When Ryan left, that was the beginning, but things spiraled out until I punished myself for something I had no control over. What the hell have I done? I drop into the bed and flop back, staring at the unmoving ceiling fan.
I need tonight. It doesn’t have to be perfect, not even close. I just need to take care of someone. I squeeze the small teddy close and kiss the top of its head. Tonight everything changes.
10
TREVOR
I paceright outside the office, waiting for Kim. She’s seven minutes late so far.
Trevor: Kim isn’t here yet. I’m leaving.
Mom: You can’t just leave!
I start my way on the path to my apartment. It’s a few blocks further than home to the hotel, but it’s a nice walk.
Trevor: I told you that’s what I’m going to do, and I even waited. I have plans and I’ve already missed half of them. I’m out. Don’t text or call unless you don’t see me on Monday.
And for good measure, I block mom’s number. My entire body shakes and my stomach rolls with nausea. But it’s for my own good.
“Sorry, kid!” Kim says as she rushes past.
I let out a sigh of relief. I can’t help it and pick up the pace until I’m running full out. Now that I’m off, I need to get ready as fast as possible.
I kick off my sneakers at the door and strip as I dash down the hallway. The stinky clothes go in the hamper immediately and I rush to the bathroom. Before I can get the water started, I remember I was going to send Daddy Andy my outfit options and hightail it to my bedroom to raid my closet.
There are too many choices and I yank them all off the hanger and throw them on the bed and take a picture. I send it to Daddy Andy before tossing my phone on the bed and rushing back to the bathroom instead of waiting for a response. I won’t wear the outfit while I’m driving, but I’ll pack it.
My shower is colder than I like, since I didn’t let it warm up. I’m sucking breaths through my teeth as the chilly water pelts me. At least I’m clean, though. I rub myself dry with a fresh towel and catch myself on the counter when I slip in my haste to get back to my room.
