Page 201 of Composed
“I suppose he doesn’t anymore.” Bile crawls up my throat and I choke it down, tugging my tongue stud between my teeth. “I just wanted to talk to him, but it’s not happening, so.”
I lift a shoulder and start to turn when her voice stops me.
“You can still talk to him. He seems to know what’s going on when he wakes up.” She steps back toward the door. “I’ll give you some time. Just press the button on the side of the bed if you need anything.”
“Okay. Thanks.”
She gives me a soft smile as she tugs the door open.
A machine beeps.
I step deeper into the room and perch on the chair tucked beside his bed. “Hey, Dad.”
No answer. His eyes are closed, his chest rising heavily as the mask covering his face does the work of breathing for him. I tap my fingers on the white bed railing and try to find words. What the hell is there to say now?
I came back for closure. Notthis.
A bitter laugh crawls up my throat.
“You were supposed to tell me you were right.” I tip my head back, staring at the glowing light in the ceiling. “To prove that everything you said was true. That your life wastrulybetter without me in it.”
I blink as hot, stinging tears prick my eyelids, my gaze drawing to my wrist.
“I left him, you know.” My voice cracks. “I stopped playing my guitar. I stopped writing songs. I became a mixing engineer instead.” I laugh dryly. “Couldn’t quite rid the music from inside of me, no matter how hard I tried. I did everything you told me to. And where did it get us, Dad?”
I lean forward on the chair, thread my fingers together, and plant my wrists on the railing.
“I walked away from thelove of my lifeall because my daddy told me to. How fucking embarrassing of me.” Nausea rips at my stomach and I bite my tongue. “And the worst part? I can’t even blame you. I made the choice. I’m the one who ripped his heart out and stomped on it.”
I choke down a bitter laugh.
“You want to know what’s really funny? You were right about one thing. He would have given it all up for me. Ask me how I know.”
Of course, there’s no answer. “Because I gave it all up for him.”
My lips twist bitterly. “And here’s the kicker… he got everything you said he couldn’t. He has the music, abeautifulfamily, and a life filled with love.” A tear spills over my lashes. “The only thing he doesn’t have is me.” I swipe the bead away as my heart shatters. “And now I have to go tell him that I threw away ten years of us for absolutely nothing.”
I push back the chair, stand, and tap my knuckles on the bed rail once. “Maybe you’ll get to say I told you so after all. Because how will he not resent me after all of this?”
My shoulders feel a breath lighter as I step out of the room.
I find my dad’s nurse in the kitchen, her hands buried in a sink full of soapy, steamy water. She cranes her head at the sound of my footsteps. “Is everything okay?”
I bob my head, exhaling a breath. “He’s still out of it.”
“I’m really sorry you had to learn this way.”
“It’s okay,” I say. “Thank you for letting me in.”
“Anytime.” She smiles, then her lips twist. “Oh, there was a young man here a little while ago. He was asking for you.”
My brows furrow. “For me? Did he give his name?”
“No.” She shakes her head, pulls her hands free, and swipes them on a tea towel. “He looked oddly familiar though. Tattoos everywhere.”
My heart falls to the floor. I have a really good feeling about who she’s talking about. I just hope I’m wrong. “Tall, handsome, dark hair?”
“All of the above.” Her smile widens as she arches a brow. My chest thunders. “If that’s your man, you’re a very lucky woman.”
