Page 18 of Yours, Now and Always

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Tim

Absolutely not. Privacy is for people not marrying our sister. This is a group effort. Also, The Lawn Mower comes in tuxedo black. It’s giving masculine precision engineering. I feel like Gage would respect that.

Marin

Wait. The Lawn Mower? Is this a gardening metaphor or an actual product?

Tim

It’s for the groin region, Marin. Waterproof. Cordless. Ceramic blades for reduced nicks. Honestly, this is sacred masculine hygiene technology.

Marin

*Googles it.*

Marin

OH MY GODDESS. Yes. Grooming is an act of devotion. Amelia deserves intentional smoothness. It’s giving Venus offering. I approve.

Colin

Of all the things to worry about for this wedding, his balls aren’t one of them.

Tim

You’d think so, but I’ve seen too much. Men get lazy. Women suffer. I’m protecting her from pubic betrayal.

Marin

I’m sorry, pubic betrayal??? Tim. I’m adding that phrase to my hex vocabulary.

Tim

Do it. Also, Gage, do you shape it? Fade it? Is it like your beard situation down there? Controlled feral?

Gage

No.

Tim

That’s not a direct answer and I am unsatisfied. Do you manscape by moon phase or by whatever feral alpha aesthetic you’re manifesting that week? Because this is your wedding night. You can’t show up looking like 1976 down there.

Colin

Tim. Boundaries. You don’t need to know everything to love him.

Tim

I do when it comes to Amelia’s well-being. This is selfless sibling love disguised as invasive curiosity. Also, I’m ordering him a Lawn Mower as a wedding gift. Engraved: “For her comfort. For our peace.”

Marin

I support this. Get him the ball toner too. Manscaping is holistic. Pleasure deserves preparation.

Colin

This is Gage. You really think he doesn’t already have this handled?

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