Page 92 of Peregrine's Call
He withdrew, and she let out a discontented little mewling sound that was arousing all on its own. He would never get tired of hearing her and seeing her like this, completely exposed and yet still at ease with him.
After cleaning her up with water and a cloth, then doing the same for himself, he slid next to her and stretched his body out along hers. He reached for her, drawing her against him, her back against his chest, her hair spilling out everywhere, teasing his skin and making him eager for their next coupling.
Oh, Christ.
He’d done it. Coldness spread through his chest. He’d done the one thing he swore he would never do. As if he could somehow take it all back, he pushed himself away from her.
She turned toward him, her eyes opening, her lips curving into a sleepy smile. “I liked that,” she whispered. “No, I loved it.”
“Good.” He should havesomethingmore to say, but his mind was utterly blank.
No, not blank. It was running rampant with all the consequences of what he’d just done. He’d ruined her best prospects for a marriage, he’d shredded the last of her innocence, and he’d possibly destroyed her life. All for a few moments of pleasure. Intense, perfect pleasure that he wanted to repeat as soon as she’d let him.
This was why people kept sinning. Because it felt so astonishingly perfect in the moment.
She could bear my child.The thought took his breath away. Was Robin going to suffer that much because he couldn’t control himself one time? Then the even more selfish thought followed—I want her children to be mine.
Notnow, he protested in his mind. But someday. He absolutely could envision Robin cradling a child to her breast, a child with richly colored skin like his own, contrasted against Robin’s own light complexion.
If he made Robin a mother before she wanted to be a mother, she’d loathe him for trapping her into a life she despised—the life of a matron, safe behind walls and with a child tied to her apron strings. He could picture the fury in her eyes when he rode off to fight and she had to remain behind where it was safe.
He had to prevent that future, and that meant he could never repeat what he’d just done. If it wasn’t already too late.
Octavian held Robin in a vain attempt to pretend that everything was as it should be, and that he hadn’t just ruined her life. She was blissfully unaware of his thoughts, or of how complicated everything had just become. Nestled against his body, she was asleep within moments, her breathing soft and even.
Tav’s mind was humming, and he couldn’t even close his eyes. He watched the rise and fall of Robin’s chest and trailed his fingers along her skin, unable to resist her allure.
Unable to resistsummed up his soul at the moment. How was he going to face Robin when she inevitably realized the consequences? She’d hate him, and there was nothing he could do to reverse what had happened.
And what if she did become pregnant after just one night? He’d marry her in a heartbeat, but the only benefit that would provide was legitimacy for the child. It didn’t change the fact that Octavian wasn’t suited to marry anyone because he had no lands or income of his own, in England or anywhere else. That had been the problem from the very beginning, and nothing had changed, except that he knew he loved her and that he’d also just destroyed her.
After hours of him turning the same thoughts over in his mind with no different solution appearing, the fire had burned to nothing and the room grew cold. He held Robin closer, and she stirred, turning to face him, her hands curling against his chest.
“Robin,” he murmured.
“Hmmm?” She tipped her face up and kissed him without fully waking, a gesture so sweet it made his heart ache.
“Robin,” he said again. “You have to wake up.”
“What time is it?” she asked, alarm invading her voice.
“The middle of the night,” he assured her. “But it would not be wise for you to be found here in the morning.”
“I don’t want to leave you.”
And he didn’t want her to have to leave, but what could he do? “It’s safest if you go,” he said. “Any questions at all wouldn’t be good.”
“Kiss me goodbye, then,” she said with her usual impudence.
He kissed her, because he wasn’t made of stone. She melted into him, and he wanted to keep her there forever.
But he couldn’t. When her kisses grew more demanding, he pushed her away as gently as he could. “Enough, Robin. Get dressed.”
She bit her lip, frowning for an instant, but then flashed a smile. “As you command.”
Robin slid from the bed, threw more logs onto the fire, and then found her clothing in the dim light, pulling her shift on and then the gown over the top.
He sat up in bed, but she stopped him from getting out of it by leaning over to kiss him again. “Stay there, Tav,” she said, her expression suddenly serious. “Don’t forget you’re wounded.”
