Page 105 of Peregrine's Call
“We could call for a doctor,” Cecily suggested. “An examination to verify your virgin—”
Robin cut her off. “Absolutely not! If you try, I’ll…run away again.”
“Oh, my dear. Please don’t. It nearly killed me to let you go the last time.”
Let me go?
“What do you mean?” Robin asked, all thoughts of her reputation suddenly upended. “What do you mean youlet me go?”
Cecily gave her a gentle, rueful smile. “I must confess that I…steered your actions a bit. I knew it wouldn’t take much. A little information on the task Octavian was assigned, an afternoon free of chores so you could prepare…”
“You actuallywantedme to run away?” Robin asked, aghast.
“I wanted you to have the chance to go, if you wished to do so. It was right to help Octavian, and you were the only person who could help him. And I have faith in your skills to survive in less than ideal conditions, since you’ve done it before.”
“But to join Octavian…”
“Who better? He would protect you from all dangers that you might not be able to deal with on your own.” Cecily smiled wider. “And so he did.”
Robin took a ragged breath, hoping to stall the tears she knew she was about to shed. “Not all dangers,” she confessed.
“What?” Cecily asked, her brow wrinkling. “What happened?”
“I… We…” Robin wiped away a tear with her sleeve, the wool rough against her cheek. “That’s why I can’t endure that exam. But it was my fault! I…pursued him.”
Cecily raised one eyebrow. “Pursued?”
“Yes!” The words were pouring out before Robin knew she wanted to say them. “Because I never wanted to be with someone as much as I wanted to be with Tav. And I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t stop myself, and I did everything in my power to make him give in to me.”
“Robin. Octavian is more than twice your size, not to mention a trained warrior. I do not believe you forced him into anything he did not already want to do.”
She twisted her fingers in her lap, her cheeks going hot. No, she didn’t force him to lie in a bed with her, but… “But I led him into sin because I couldn’t control my own desire.”
“If you’re so sinful and wicked, why did Octavian remain with you after this occurred? Why did he see you safely back to Cleobury?”
“That was just because he had to get Pierce here. He doesn’t care for me at all.”
“What makes you say that?”
“He said as much in a conversation I overheard.”
“Are you certain that’s what he meant?”
Robin opened her mouth, but then doubts rushed in.
Shehadbeen certain. The way the words stabbed at her and took her breath away made her certain that she never wanted to face that pain again, and confronting Octavian would force her to do just that.
But now, with Cecily’s cool, calm enquiry in her ears, she was no longer quite as certain.
“I…I don’t know,” Robin whispered.
“Darling, I don’t pretend to know your mind or his, or what happened between you. And people can be deceitful, whether it’s witting or not. But for the years I’ve known Octavian, he’s shown again and again that he’s worthy of trust. That’s why I trusted that you would be safe with him.”
“He did keep me safe,” Robin admitted. “There were so many times that I’d have stumbled into something or exposed myself to danger, but he never let anyone harm me. And at the bridge by Martenkeep, he sent me ahead and stayed there, and he knew it might be his death. But that was before we…” She trailed off, newly mortified at her behavior. “I think after we…were together, he changed his mind about me.”
“He’s going to be back in a week or so at most. Would you like me to send him away?”
“No!” Robin took a breath, then added in a low rush, “I don’t want him to leave me behind. I think I’ll die without him.”
