Page 110 of Peregrine's Call
“You said to Pierce, ‘Forget about Robin. She can take care of herself.’ It was the morning after we…”
Thenhe remembered, because that was the moment when he’d honestly wanted to throw Pierce off the side of the curtain wall for being such a hideous person. “He knew how much I cared about you, and he taunted me with it. But yes, I did say that. I told him to forget about you because he wasn’t worthy of being stepped on by you. And I said you can take care of yourself because it’s true. You’re the most independent and resourceful person I’ve ever met. I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather have had with me during that journey.”
“Oh.”
That was all she said, but it was clear she was turning something much more significant over in her mind. He waited, and then realized that he’d never actually got around to asking her forgiveness. “Robin,” he said slowly. “I hurt you.”
“When?” she asked, startled.
“When we spent the night together,” he said, exasperated. “Or don’t you remember the little matter of you being a virgin? I ruined that, and ruined you, and your future. That matter.”
“It didn’t feel like ruin to me,” she said.
“Well, it was.”
“You don’t get to decide that,” she said. “And I won’t forgive you for it.”
“You won’t?” This was going worse than he thought possible.
She shook her head. “You see, I remember that whole night perfectly well. I pleaded for you to take my virginity. I didn’t want it. I wanted you.”
His breath caught, but then he registered her use ofwanted. Notwant.
“There’s another matter,” he said then. “You could be pregnant.”
“I’m not,” she said bluntly. “I learned that a few days ago. So you’re under no obligation.”
“It’s not about obligation.”
“It’s not?” She arched one eyebrow.
“No! I want you to be happy.”
“And what do you think will make me happy?” She stepped away from him, her expression now challenging.
Tav wasn’t sure where this was leading, but he knew that he had to answer honestly. “I think…that of all the times I’ve seen you, you’ve been your happiest, and your truest self when you were in the Ardenwood.”
Her mouth opened a little in surprise, and her eyes softened. “Go on.”
He resisted the urge to tell her that she also looked extremely content in his bed, and the urge to tell her that she’d be happy with him. He could never ask her to leave her homeland. Asking her to leave would be like taking a bird from its nest.
“There’s something wild in you, Robin,” he said. “You can hide it from some people, for some time, but it can’t be contained. It bursts out of you like spring.”
She took a breath, her palms coming up to rest on his chest. “That’s true. Cecily could live in a garden until the end of days and she’d be happy…so long as she has her husband and child with her. Angelet would say the same, though she grows her gardens from thread and needle. I can’t do that. The moment I feel walls around me, I want to climb out and over. I want to see things, new things that won’t come to me.”
“You come alive in the Ardenwood. It’s your home.”
Robin frowned. “Octavian, how can you be so intelligent and still miss what’s right in front of your face?”
“What do you mean?” What had he missed?
“I wasn’t happy because I was in the Ardenwood. I was happy because I was withyou. I come alive when I am free to roam. When I have a good horse, and a road to travel…and the one I love beside me.” She leaned closer, her voice dropping to a whisper. “Does it mean nothing to you that I love you?”
He couldn’t believe her. Not yet. “You don’t love me more than your home, or the people who care for you,” he objected, even as his heart wanted to take her and hold her and never let her go.
“I care for myself, and my home is where I make it.” Robin raised her chin. “I love you,” she repeated, like a challenge. “I think I’ve always loved you, Tav. First as admiration because you were a knight and strong and wonderful. But then aslove, as I got to know you and your thoughts and how you treated me and everything in the world around you with the sort of care that so few people do.”
“Robin.” He touched her face, hoping the right words would come to him, somehow.
