Page 119 of A Fearless Heart
“Oh, that’s good.”
“Yes, it is.” She added nothing more.
It was time to get to the point. “Cady, I need to apologize.”
“Then do it,” she said calmly, her eyes locked on his.
“Er…may I?”
“It wouldn’t make much sense to come all the way here and not say what’s on your mind. So proceed, Mr Courtney.”
“Cady, you didn’t deserve to be used the way I used you. I could try to justify it as necessary to fulfill my assignment to locate the poison and the killer behind it all, but the fact is that I could have been honest with you much earlier, and I don’t have any good reason for why I didn’t, except that I’m not used to…” He groped for the right words.
“Trusting people?”
“Yes,” he agreed in a rush. “I didn’t trust you. Worse, I made it so you could never trust me. And I am sorry for that, Cady. I can’t expect you to forgive me for it, but I want you to know that I regret what I did.”
“What, specifically, do you regret?”
Gabe paused. Was this a trick question? “Everything?”
“You regret everything you did to me?”
He wasn’t sure what she meant. Cady was giving him nothing to work with. Her expression was so cool and unrevealing, like a stranger’s. He settled for, “I regret the things that hurt you.”
“Ah.” Cady leaned back in her chair, and looked out the window. “And do you regret anything else?”
He sighed. “More than you’ll ever know. But that’s not really the point. I just wanted to come and let you know that I am sorry. It doesn’t change anything, but I couldn’t bear you thinking that I…” God, this was difficult. “After what I did, and how you found out the truth of my reasons for coming to Calderwood…no one would have blamed you for forgetting about me entirely.”
Cady’s brow furrowed. “Did you think everyone had abandoned you? While you were trapped there, did you think no one was trying to find you? ThatIwasn’t trying?”
“Hope’s a difficult thing to hold on to in situations like that,” he confessed. “Sometimes I thought you were—or someone was. And other times I was sure I was the last person on the whole earth.”
He saw her jaw clench and the ripple of her throat as she swallowed. Then she said, “I suppose I can’t fully understand what you felt. Who could, if they didn’t experience it? And it’s true that just for a little while, right at the beginning, before we knew you’d been taken, I really did wish I’d never met you.”
Gabe closed his eyes. “I’m sorry. If it’s any consolation, you’ll never see me again.”
“I have no intention of hiding for the rest of my life,” said Cady, mistaking his meaning. “All this horribleness has had one good effect. I’ve learned that I’m not necessarily safe behind a locked door, and that it is possible to be hurt but still survive.”
“Good,” he said. “I’m glad to hear that, I truly am. You’re going to thrive, Cady. And you’ll find someone who makes you happy and that you deserve…”
“Yes, I already have.”
He blinked. How long had he been underground? “You have?”
“Yes.” She gave him a tiny smile.
“When? Who?”
Cady inhaled, opened her mouth to speak, then shook her head. “Oh, my Lord.”
“Never mind. You don’t have to tell me. I’ve got nothing to do with it.”
She raised her chin, looking more determined. “Yes, you do.”
“How?” he asked, puzzled.
“It’s you, you dolt.”
