Page 29 of A Fearless Heart
Gabe went still. “What did you say?”
“Oh, it’s Latin. It’s a reference to a painting that my mother admired. Very bucolic—though also a bit melancholy. She always believed that paradise is a garden, and she named me Arcadia because she liked the idea of an earthly paradise. But Papa wouldn’t let her name a boy, so Trevor is Trevor because it was Papa’s grandfather’s name.” She laughed again. Perhaps this drug did improve one’s mood.
“So that was a phrase your whole family knew about?”
“Hmm, yes. But so do thousands of others. It’s quite famous. Someday I’d like to see the original painting, but to do that I’d have to go out among people. So that will never happen.”
“Are people so horrible?”
“Depends on the people.”
“Let me guess. You’re scared of men particularly.”
She nodded. “Yes. Not all men. But tall men. Or big men. Or any man who tries to speak with me. That’s the worst. Actually, I suppose that means I’m afraid of all the men I know.”
Gabe said, “I’m tall. And big. And I’m speaking to you. Are you afraid of me?”
She thought for a moment. Although Gabe had startled her initially, she’d never felt scared around him. Actually it was just the opposite. She was drawn to him.
“My lady?” he prompted when she didn’t answer.
“No, I’m not afraid of you,” she said quickly. “But one of the promised effects of the solution is to repress fear. So perhaps I’ll be afraid of you tomorrow when it wears off.”
“I’d prefer it if you simply weren’t afraid. Of anything. But I’d also prefer it if you didn’t have to take a drug to do it. Especially if it renders you unconscious or dead.”
“Oh, I’ll adjust the dose, silly,” she said.
He raised an eyebrow. “Did you just call mesilly?”
“I did. People afraid of discovering new things are always silly. It’s a promising line of inquiry. And logical, considering how salvia sap affects the general energy level in the body….emotions come from the brain, and are malleable…”
Her eyelids slid shut, and she let out a long, slow sigh. “I don’t think I can stay awake much longer. Are you really going to stay here all night?”
“That was the intention. But if the idea scares you, I’ll leave.”
“No, I think I’d like if you could stay,” she admitted, surprising both of them. “If you don’t mind. I know it’s not your job as gardener—”
“I’m not really a gardener, Cady,” he said…or she thought he said. But then she was asleep.
Chapter 13
The next morning, Cady wokeup with a headache and a deep sense of embarrassment. She’d lost all sense of propriety last night. She told Gabe—Mr Court—literally everything that popped into her mind, no matter how odd or personal or just agonizingly childish. She hadn’t toldanyonethe things she told him. Something in his voice and his eyes encouraged her to confide in him, and suggested that he wouldn’t laugh at her or tell her how the things that terrified her were all in her head.
And worst of all, she’d asked him to stay. In her own bedroom! No matter that she was asking him to watch over her, not bed her. If that was ever discovered, Cady would be in serious trouble. Lord, she’d have to hide any evidence of him being there before Martha arrived to see about her breakfast and ask about the day ahead.
Sitting up, Cady looked around her bedroom in surprise. There was no tray of food. The chair Gabe had been sitting in was back by the fireplace. Even her grandmother’s silver hand mirror was once again at the vanity where it belonged. Gabe had been very careful to leave no trace of his unsanctioned presence.
Though she appreciated his discretion, Cady was still mortified at everything that had happened last night. It was nearing the end of the two-week trial period. Perhaps she could let him go…though it wouldn’t be fair to him. After all, he’d done everything he was supposed to as a gardener, not to mention probably saving her life last night. But she’d crossed several boundaries in talking to him, being alone with him… Yes, she had to let him go. Still, it seemed rather rude to tell a man that he’d be sacked just for being a good listener.
But Cady also couldn’t imagine facing him again.
Perhaps she’d just stay in her room forever.
Now there was a solution that she could work with. After all, she’d had lots of practice.
Fully prepared to tell Martha that she intended to hide inside all day, Cady nevertheless felt a pang. Something in herwantedto be outside, feeling the wind on her face and working with the soil and waking up her gardens after a long winter. But was that worth the risk of absolutely embarrassing herself when she had to look Gabe straight in the eyes once more? She didn’t know.
As it happened, Martha came in with news that made Cady’s decision for her.
