Page 53 of A Fearless Heart
She blushed. “I experimented with it. I do that with most of my specimens, and especially any exotics.”
“Do you have any clephobine on hand now?”
She shook her head slowly. “No. As I said, it’s highly lethal.”
“What did you do with the quantity you made?”
“I disposed of it, of course.”
“How?”
“Safely, if that’s what you’re asking. The last thing I need is people or animals or even insects dropping dead at Calderwood.”
“How did you determine that clephobine is so lethal? What did your experiments do, exactly? Oh, God, you tested it on yourself. Just like you did with the new solution you made, that night I found you unconscious.”
Cady looked away.
“JesusChrist.How are you not dead?”
“It was an extremely dilute solution.”
“What did you hope to learn?”
“I wanted to know if there was medicinal value!” she burst out. “My God, if you felt like I do for just one week, you’d have broken into every chemist’s and doctor’s office in London. I’ve been living with this condition for years. I can’t sleep through the night, I can barely go an hour without feeling my heart rattling in my rib cage, and I am constantly scared of everything. Do you think I enjoy this? Thisexcusefor a life? I hate it!”
Before Gabe could talk himself out of it, he reached for her, pulling her into his embrace, despite her resistance.
“Let me go!” she spat, clawing at his chest with her entrapped hands.
“No. You’re the only thing in this whole room I can touch without dying.”
“Don’t make a joke of me!”
“The joke’s not on you, Cady. Please take a few breaths. You’re upset.”
“I’m more than upset, you idiot. Haven’t you been listening? I’m a wreck and I can’t fix myself!”
“You’re a person, not a piece of luggage. You can’t just fix your mind like it’s a broken strap.”
“What does that have to do with how you’re pinning me down?”
“If I were pinning you down, it would look different, darling. I just thought you might need a hug.”
“A…hug?” She sounded stunned.
“Well, when was the last time you got one?”
“Seven years ago, probably.”
“What?” Now he was stunned.
“Mama gave me hugs. And Trevor did too. But Mama died, and Trevor wasn’t allowed in the house, and I wasn’t allowed out of it, so…ooof!”
He’d tightened his arms around her. “Lot of time to make up for.”
Cady had stopped struggling against him, which he regarded as a success. She actually leaned her head against his chest, and he once again inhaled the smell of witch hazel, astringent yet springlike.
“You’re a very strange gardener,” she said at last, her voice meek and muffled.
