Page 68 of A Fearless Heart
“To never leave my bed or my room again as long as I live.”
“How about for the rest of the evening?” Bond offered. “Why don’t you nestle in there for a while, and when you’re ready, come out and there will be tea and biscuits.”
“I’m never coming out. I never should have come to London.” Cady had been at the town house for less than two hours and already managed to suffer an attack of nerves and humiliate herself in front of servants she didn’t even know.
“You should come out eventually. They’re quite good biscuits. Ring when you’re ready.” Bond pulled the last curtain closed, enveloping Cady in a blessed darkness.
She huddled there for a long while, shaking. She wished she could flee back to Calderwood but she was paralyzed, unable to even consider the feat of getting up, standing, and walking across the room. The notion of facing people and telling them she was going right back from where she’d come was impossible.
How did she get to this point? She was physically weak and afraid of everything, even things that weren’t there. She couldn’t perform the simplest acts, like eating dinner in her own home. If word got around the city about just how strange she was, Cady would be shunned by everyone. And wordalwaysgot out. Especially when one’s servants were recent hires, with no connection to the family and no sense of loyalty. Why should they have? Cady would be gone by next month. She might be gone by tomorrow. She might be dead by tomorrow.
The thought was a familiar one, because it always hovered during her attacks. When her heart was leaping out of her chest and she was doubled over clutching her torso, it was easy to think that her body was about to give out. But somehow, Cady kept on living.
She swallowed, coughing due to her parched throat. Remembering what Bond said about the tea, she pulled the down duvet around her body and slowly crawled out of bed and shuffled to the chaise by the fire.
She sat down, wrapped up like a wild sheep. Oscar reappeared, looking at her curiously before he decided to jump up and join her, his purr rumbling as he pushed his paws into the thick blanket.
Cady picked up the teapot, but her arms were still shaking and she put it down again immediately, afraid she’d drop it and shatter it. Tears pricked at her eyes again, and she let out one sobbing breath.
She couldn’t even pour her own tea. Pathetic.
The door squeaked open, and a different girl in a maid’s outfit peeked in. “Oh!” she said, on seeing Cady awake and sitting up on the chaise. “Excuse me, my lady. I was just coming to bank the fire and blow out the candles. But as you’re still up…”
“Wait,” Cady said. “Could you come here and pour me some tea?”
The chambermaid stepped forward hesitantly.
“What’s your name?” Cady asked, hoping to calm her.
“Minnie,” the girl replied after a short hesitation. “Actually, Minerva. But everyone calls me Minnie.”
“I’m Arcadia. Some people call me Cady.”
Minnie gave her a look, as if she might be joking. Then, reaching for the teapot, she poured a cup.
“I’m not strong enough right now,” Cady explained. “I was afraid I’d drop it.”
“Are you ill, my lady?”
“Not with anything you might catch,” Cady assured her. “But yes, there’s something wrong with me.”
“Do you need anything? Medicine?”
Cady looked over toward the dressing room, wondering if Bond had a chance to unpack all her things. Cady had brought along several of her most useful medicines. “If you don’t mind, have a look over there for a small wooden chest that’s about as long as your forearm and half as wide.”
The maid did so, and after only a moment returned bearing the case, setting it on the carpet by Cady’s seat.
Cady opened it and pulled out a bottle. She uncapped it and allowed two drops into the tea, then carefully closed it again.
“What’s that?” Minnie asked curiously.
“A sedative to calm me down enough so I won’t be awake all night.” Cady sipped her tea, already feeling a bit better. “How did you get hired? There can’t have been much time to hear about the position.”
“Ah, I know Cook very well. She recommended me.” Minnie gestured to the teapot. “More?”
“Yes, please. How are the biscuits?”
“Very good, you should eat them. Cook always makes more.” Minnie smiled. “Will you want a tray up here for your breakfast tomorrow, my lady? Cook was wondering.”
