Page 17 of Joy to the Earl
“I wish that I hadn’t given you any reason to blame me at all.Whatever you may have thought about me, I am sure I deserved it.All I can do is ask your forgiveness.”
“I do forgive you.And I will always remember you.”
She turned away and began to walk down the hallway.She hadn’t gone more than three steps when she heard the floorboards shake beneath her, and Douglas grabbed her hand in his.
“What is this?Are you washing your hands of me just when we’ve finally sorted through all the nonsense that’s been accumulating in our souls for ten years?”
“Douglas, you said it yourself.It’s too late for us.And although I would love to indulge in the dream of what life might have been if we’d actually married, a part of me can’t believe that one night of pleasure will outweigh the sadness of spending the rest of my life knowing that that was the only night I could have.It’s better this way.We can both keep our dreams of each other without puncturing them with reality.I truly do wish the very best for you.I hope you get home quickly to your son and you’re able to celebrate Christmas together as you intended.”
“And what are you planning to do?”he demanded.
“I don’t know.If I can, I’ll go back to London in the morning.There’s no point in my traveling further.I’ll just retrace my journey and it will be as if this trip never happened.I assure you, my cousin won’t even really care that I never made it there.I’ll write, of course, but my absence will not be a cause for sadness.”
Douglas said, “I beg to differ.”He frowned at her for a moment said, “You’re really intending to just leave me right now?This is the end?”
“Yes.Not because it’s what I want, but because it’s the only choice.”
“I see.”He ducked his head down to say in a much lower voice, “Then may I have a kiss goodbye?”
Joy could not deny him that.But they were in a public corridor, and she simply could not risk the embarrassment.“Not here.”
“My room.As I said, it’s empty at the moment.”
Joy let him pull her toward the doorway.He shut the door behind them and then turned so he could press her against the wall.He lowered his lips to hers, and kissed her with a longing that nearly had her in tears.Joy kissed him back, vowing to herself that she would memorize every sensation in her body at the moment so that she would always have something to cling to in the days and years ahead.She sighed as he teased her mouth open with his tongue, and she could hardly suppress a moan when he began to bite her lower lip.She reached up to steady herself and fisted the linen fabric of his shirt, pulling him toward her.
The kiss turned hungry, and then she felt his mouth curve into a smile as he murmured, “If you keep kissing me goodbye like this, you’ll never leave.”
She didn’t want to leave.She wanted to stay wrapped up in his arms for eternity.But one kiss couldn’t refute all of her well-intended arguments and reasons, no matter how persuasive or passionate.Which did not explain why she was still kissing him, and why the single kiss goodbye had turned into a dozen.
“Douglas…I can’t just stay like this forever,” she whispered between these impossibly sweet kisses.
“I understand,” he told her softly.And he stepped back.
Joy watched him, not sure what he meant.“You understand?”
“Of course.You can’t stay where you are.Who can?But I can’t tell you what’s next, love.”He stepped back further, saying, “You can go out my door, or go over to my bed.Your choice, my love.”
Joy glanced at the bed, at the door.She knew what she wanted.Of course she knew that.But it was one thing to dream of it, or even to talk about it.It was quite another to do it.
Douglas took a step toward the bed, and at the same time he shrugged out of his jacket.“Maybe I can make the decision easier.”
He sat on the edge of the bed, and loosened the cuffs of his linen shirt.He pulled it over his head, and she saw a half-undressed earl smiling at her.She’d never seen Douglas like that before, and what a shame, because he looked very good indeed.How did his shoulders get so big?Or his chest so powerful-looking?
“You’re staring, love,” he said, leaning back on the bed, giving her more to stare at.
“I’m sorry.”She was not in the least sorry.
“No, I like it.Do you need more help to make a decision?”He reached to undo his falls, and Joy gave a little gasp.He wasnot…
Oh, he was.A moment later, she was staring at an entirely undressed earl, and one who was very interested in her, to judge by… Well, she forgot there even was a door behind her.
She walked toward the bed, stopping at the edge as he sat up to meet her, putting his arms around her waist.“Will you stay?”he asked, looking up at her, his eyes strangely vulnerable even though his tone was light.
“You’re very convincing,” she whispered.
“You mean I was able to drive you mad with lust for me?”His smile grew hopeful.
“Mad with curiosity,” she breathed.“And a little lust, I suppose.”
