Page 90 of To Crave Madly
I knew I needed to get back to base but I had an apology to make first, which meant I needed to wake Torsten because I didn’t have the first clue where I was. I was still on edge and the hunger was still craving satisfaction, but it was manageable. I just needed to stay calm and not get angry or I might spiral out of control and go full-demon. Easier said than done where Lucifer was concerned.
I leant over Torsten and tapped his chest gently to wake him. His eyes flew open and alertness flashed through them. He was clearly not one for sharing his bed, because one second I was marvelling at how serene he looked and the next, he’d rolled behind me and wrapped me in a full spinal lock.
“It’s me,” I gasped, frantically tapping his forearm as he bent my spine into an unnaturally painful shape. “Torsten, it’s me.”
He instantly let go of me when his name left my lips and I was able to drag sweet oxygen back into my lungs. I felt the bed dip and move as Torsten stood up. He walked away from me and, after being so close to him all night, part of me felt the loss of his warmth more keenly than I cared to admit.
“Forgive me, Mistress. I had forgotten I was not alone.”
I turned and found his bright eyes glowing in the dark room as they looked at me with shame.
“There is nothing to forgive,” I replied warmly. “If anything, the fault is mine for not thinking about how you might react.” I swung my legs over the side of the bed and took a moment to take in my surroundings. Light shone through an arched window, catching the dancing swirls of dust in its bright embrace. The room was simply furnished with nothing more than a bed, desk and a bookshelf with a few books on. “Where are we, Torsten?”
He looked at his feet. “We are in my room, Mistress. I hope you do not mind that I brought you here. I thought it best at the time as you were—”
He stopped himself before finishing that sentence and I chuckled. At least the Shadow Fiend had tact. “It’s okay, you can say it. I was a mess.”
“I was going to say inconsolable, but yes, you were indeed a mess.” A small smile curled his mouth and just like that, some of the awkwardness disappeared from the room.
I patted the spot beside me on the bed. “Sit with me. I want to ask you something.”
He came towards me slowly, almost as if he didn’t trust my intentions and, after looking between the spot on the bed and my face a few times, he sat down as far away from me as he could. He looked ridiculously uncomfortable. His back was ramrod straight and he folded his hands in his lap. He stared straight ahead and wouldn’t even look at me.
Maybe I shouldn’t ask my question, but I wanted to know he had a choice. Ever since learning about this prophecy, I had struggled with dealing with things beyond my control. I didn’t have a choice when it came to being a demon, but I did have a choice about how I let that affect me. Jasper never had a choice about what he was or how he became to be a vampire, but he had given me the choice to choose him. Choices were important. They defined us, and even though I hadn’t known Torsten that long, he had worked his way into the role of my protector, and I needed to know that he was happy with that.
I scooted along the edge of the bed and took his hand in mine. Those eerily beautiful fingers that looked dipped in ink were a stark contrast against the pale length of my own hands.
“Torsten?”
His eyes finally met mine and I swallowed. My mouth was suddenly drier than a desert. Oh, god. I was about to ask a man who could kill me a thousand ways a very personal question. Deep breath, Lori.
“Are you happy taking orders from a Master?” He canted his head to the side as if he didn’t understand my question. “Would you not rather be free? To do what you want?”
“I have never, nor will I ever, be free. It would be useless to dream of such things.”
He spoke with such sorrow that my heart sunk for him over his predicament. In that moment, I knew I would do anything to help him. Rae was right about me. I did want to take him under my wing and take care of him. In that sentence, he had just told me more about himself than he had ever revealed before.
Using his free hand, Torsten reached over and brushed a tendril of hair behind my ear. Before removing his hand, his thumb trailed across my cheekbone and brushed my bottom lip gently. “Do not pity me, Lori. I am not worthy of it.”
It was moments like this where I forgot how lethal he could be. “It’s not pity, Torsten. It’s empathy. I know what it’s like to not have a choice.”
“You’re a fool to think you can free me, Lori.” His eyes narrowed as he leaned in. “I am, and always will be, the stuff of nightmares.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. My heart pounded in my chest. On impulse, I reached over and brushed his cheek with my fingertips. I expected him to pull away, but he leaned in until my hand was pressed against his cool, smooth skin. His eyes closed and he released a shaky breath. A pained expression descended on his features and a soft rumble came from his chest.
“If you could do anything right now, no reprimands, no orders, just you and your free will, what would you do?”
His eyes flew open and I didn’t miss the way his pupils darkened with hunger. “I would make you feed from me.”
There was no hesitation in his words. My breath hitched as my stomach dropped. Fuck. What was I doing? I pulled my hand away from his face, but he quickly grabbed my wrist. His other hand wrapped around my waist and he pulled me firmly onto his lap. His eyes never left mine. They burned with unrelenting contact and I couldn’t look away from him even if the world erupted into an inferno around us.
He placed my hands either side of his face and covered them with his own.
“Feed from me, Lori. Please,” he begged.
This was wrong. Yet I couldn’t stop myself. I could already feel the hunger churning deep in my gut, demanding whatever this man offered me.
“What if I lose control? What if I consume your soul?” It was a last-ditch attempt to stop this madness.
