Page 93 of To Crave Madly
His jaw clenched and his eyes darkened to a cobalt blue. “Do you know how worried I’ve been? Anything could have happened to you down there and I wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
Jasper turned away from me and put some distance between us. He was seething and I could feel his anger rolling off him in waves. His shoulders rose as he took a deep breath and turned back to me. He was about to say something, but he cut himself off as his eyes narrowed on the mark on my neck.
Oh, shit.
“What is that?”
My hand flew to the mark. “Nothing.”
“Tell me that’s not what I think it is.”
I wanted to tell him it wasn’t. I really wanted my mouth to form the words, but they wouldn’t come. I couldn’t lie about it. It wouldn’t be fair to him or to Torsten.
“It’s a shadow bite that Torsten gave me when I fed from him.”
“You did what?” Jasper’s voice dropped menacingly low and fear slithered across my skin as he stepped closer.
“I fed from him. He offered it and it turns out I can feed from him without consequences. I lost control, Jasper. If Torsten hadn’t sacrificed some of his energy for me, I don’t know what would have happened.”
There was a pained expression in his face. “Lori… how could you?”
Fury sparked to life in my veins. “How could I what? You weren’t there, Jasper. You don’t know what I nearly did. I hadneverfelt my demon that wild before and I was terrified.” I walked away from the door to stand closer to him. “It shouldn’t matter what I did. What matters is that I’m here and I’m fine.”
“But he’s a Shadow Fiend.”
Tears welled in my eyes. “And?”
“He’s soulless.”
“I know, Jasper. That makes him perfect for me to feed from if I need it. I can’t do to him what I did to Flint.”
He searched my face with pity in his eyes. “Lori…”
“Don’t, Jasper. I must feed my demon. I have to feed her, or I’ll die. It’s as simple as that. And I won’t always be on a battlefield or chasing enemies, so I have to be able to source the dark energy somewhere.” I puffed my cheeks out on a long breath. “So don’t you dare judge me.”
I know that all Jasper saw when he looked at Torsten was the brutal warrior only loyal to his master. But I’d seen his vulnerability, seen that he could be caring and tender, and I wanted Jasper to see the same.
“You don’t know him like I do, Jasper. I didn’t ask him to feed me, but I know, without a doubt, that I probably wouldn’t be here if he hadn’t made that gesture for me.”
Jasper pulled me into his arms in a bruising hug. I let him wrap his arms around me and I felt some of the anger ebbing from my system. I knew Jasper wasn’t really angry at me, but rather at the fact that I’d put him in a position where he was unable to help me if I needed it. That meant I’d turned to Torsten when I think he felt I should have turned to him.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I just… don’t want to see you get hurt. I don’t trust Torsten and I am not sure of his intentions.” He took another deep breath. “Just be careful. Please.”
I ran my hands up his back and pulled him closer. It was soothing and, for just a minute, I let myself imagine that I wasn’t going to this Gathering tonight. That it was just Jasper and I, and we had all the time in the world.
I stepped out of his embrace and met his concerned gaze. “I will be careful. I know you don’t trust Torsten, but I think you should trust me. Or at least trust my judgement where my demon is concerned.”
He winced. “I know, and I do trust you. This is just hard for me. Coming to terms with sharing you with Lucifer is one thing,” he said as he brushed the mark on my neck, “but knowing that you’re intimate with Torsten when you feed from him is something else entirely. It will just take some getting used to.”
It wasn’t a complete acceptance, but it was a start. And that I could work with.
***
After my conversation with Jasper in his office, we gathered everyone in the common room to go over the final details of the plan. There were a couple of faces I’d only ever seen in passing around the base at the meeting, as well. We were enlisting the secondary teams on this mission, and Baker and Jackson were the two commanders who would pass on any last-minute changes.
It was pretty simple, really. We were going to arrive in style, start the celebration and perform the neophyte initiation, and then we were going to try and gather intel as we worked the room. Every notable witch and mage would be in attendance, and someone had to know something. We just had to find someone who was willing to talk to us.
