Page 90 of To Crave Deeply
His hand cupped my face, and he pressed a soft kiss to the top of my forehead. “I’m sorry. I should have told you.”
“It’s okay, I know you couldn’t. I’ll just have to chew Jasper’s ass about it when we get him back.”
Alec chuckled and pulled me into a firm hug. “That’s my girl. Go on, now. Off to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Goodnight, Alec,” I replied before turning and heading to bed. My head was a whirlwind of emotions and fears, but as I climbed wearily into bed, for the first time in a long time, I felt that things might end up being okay. Cassian had chosen to come back, and I was determined to find out why.
Chapter 28
LORI
The door to the basement stood resolutely closed in front of me. Something had pulled me here. Something I didn’t understand. When I found out that Jasper had kept Cassian hidden from me, I’d been livid. Now, as I stared at the barrier keeping us apart, I could only feel a yearning coiling deep in my belly, and it wasn’t going to be satisfied until I’d seen Cassian with my own eyes. Alec had said that the reason he didn’t tell me about Cassian was that the man who came back wasn’t the same man who had died.
I was going to wait until the morning to see him, but something pulled me from my slumber. A tugging sensation behind my solar plexus had led me here without me even realising. Before I could chicken out, I punched in the code to open the door and descended the steps into the darkness of Cassian’s domain.
Silence greeted me at the bottom of the stairs. I’d only been here once, to steal that bottle of Dragon Tears so Saskia, Rae and I could enjoy a proper girl’s night out. It was one of the only few wonderful magical concoctions that actually got a Supernatural drunk. I still hated that night. I’d crossed a line with Cassian and the cost of that had pushed us so far apart that the distance between us became insurmountable. It was only in death that we finally even began to rebuild that bridge.
Now he was back, and I’d finally have a chance to get through to him. To help him see that he wasn’t alone, or worthless, or the monster he so honestly believed himself to be. I just needed to figure out how to get through the demons that were holding his mind hostage. Alec wouldn’t approve of me being here; he didn’t want me alone with Cassian while he was in this state, but I knew he wouldn’t hurt me. Well, not intentionally anyway.
A moan drifted down the hallway and my feet began the slow, steady path towards the room at the back. The low lighting cast an eerie glow to the corridor and my heart raced as I grew closer to the sounds of anguish coming from Cassian’s room. My palms grew sweaty, and blood pounded in my ears. I didn’t know what I was going to find in the room at the end of the hall, but I knew that I couldn’t resist whatever sign was calling me to be there.
I stepped quietly through the doorway and found Cassian on the bed, the sheets twisted round his waist and legs as he fought whatever nightmares had him in their clutches. Beads of sweat peppered his naked chest, and his hands fisted the sheets beneath him. His head tossed and turned as he fought off his demons.
Unable to take the sight of him in so much pain, I shook off the fear that had kept me frozen to the spot and ran to his side, hopping onto the bed beside him. I instantly placed my hands either side of his face and called up the connection that would open his mind to mine.
I gasped as the wave of his fear and suffering hit me. Tears instantly filled my vision as I felt his pain. I unfurled the power of my demon, and I took it all. Every single emotion, every drop of his rage and anger flooded my veins and the dark energy burned through me with a ferocity that was immeasurable.
A bright, white glow filled the room. Shit. I was taking too much. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to unleash an Aurora burst. I’d done that once when Jasper and I had first met, and it was like an explosion of light and energy that made me glow like a fucking Christmas tree. It also knocked Jasper on his ass and pretty much destroyed the room we were in. I didn’t want that happening now. I was here to save Cassian, not blow him up.
Come on, magic, balance it out for me.
I needed my magic to convert the unused energy, but Cassian was giving me too much and I was struggling to keep up with it. It was like a storm churning deep inside me. The dark energy was pulsing as the magic tried to wrap its threads around the unstable force. I needed to close the connection. It was the only way to stop it, but it was like fighting against a whirlwind while walking up a mountain in the dark.
Electricity zipped through my veins as Cassian remained in the grips of his nightmare. I could feel his rush of adrenaline, his manic joy, his hatred and loathing and all the pain in between as he relived what I could only assume was the day his family died and the retribution he had sought for it. I took it all. I had failed to save him in the afterlife; I wasn’t going to fail now.
Just a few more seconds. I just needed to hold out for another moment. Just until I felt the pain dissipate…
A roar burnt the back of my throat as I pulled the nightmare from Cassian. Pain exploded behind my eyelids as my demon screamed. My nails elongated into the black talons as she became stronger, as she fought with me to hold out for just.
One. More. Moment.
Then he stilled. That was the sign I was waiting for. The signal that his mind was finding peace. His hands relaxed and I immediately let go. The connection snapped shut and the glow faded from my fingers as I dragged air into my lungs. I felt light-headed and dizzy, but also strangely satisfied.
I looked down at Cassian, now sleeping peacefully, his chest rising slowly as he slumbered. Had I done enough to at least start him on the road to peace? I’d taken the pain of his sins and swallowed them without making him suffer for it. I’d discovered how to control the pain as I fed from a source, that I could choose how to make a person feel while feeding. We didn’t have to be the stuff of nightmares; we could be salvation, too.
I reached out and cupped Cassian’s jaw, enjoying the view of him sleeping peacefully. His white hair was all mussed and it made him look younger, more carefree, like the man I’d seen in the photo. He’d told me that man didn’t exist anymore, but he was wrong. He was just part of the many layers that made up the man I saw before me now.
I was just in the action of pulling my hand away when his eyes flew open.
“Cassian?” I said softly.
His gaze flicked to me, and the reptilian slits pinned me to the spot. I might have taken his nightmare, but I could tell he was still caught in that moment between wakefulness and slumber. I didn’t know what he was seeing, but it certainly wasn’t me.
His mouth pulled back in a fierce snarl and I stepped off the bed to try and put some distance between us.
“Cassian, it’s me. It’s Lori,” I said placatingly, but it didn’t seem to make a difference.
He climbed out of bed and stalked towards me, his movements slow and graceful as he backed me into the wall.
