Page 107 of To Crave Deeply
I laughed, suddenly feeling elation for the first time in decades. Perhaps I was being too hard on myself. Maybe I just needed to give myself time.
There was a soft knock at the door. I could tell it was Lori. I could smell lavender and my hound stood to attention. Now my heart was back, I could tell he was both excited and nervous. I’d been unable to connect fully with him, too, and I had a feeling this was going to bring its own set of challenges as we learned to feel again.
“Come in,” I called.
Lori’s head popped around the door, and I was instantly hit by her beaming smile. She was genuinely happy to see me and that made me feel… joy?
“Hi,” she said as she closed the door behind her before joining me on the balcony. “How are you feeling?”
I could sense her hope and I instantly felt wary. Why, I hadn’t the faintest idea.
“I’m okay. I just think it will take some time to relearn everything.”
She smiled at me again and it was brighter than the sun. “I’m glad you’re okay. I was worried you were going to wake up as an emotional wreck, but I think this is better. It will give you time to heal.”
“Yes. Although, I don’t know how long it will take.”
Her hand found mine on the balcony. “That’s okay. I can wait until you’re ready.”
Instinctively, I interlaced my fingers with hers and just enjoyed the sense of warmth she was creating in me. I couldn’t describe it, couldn’t even name it, but I think she made me happy and grateful. She wasn’t pressuring me, and I knew she’d stand by me no matter what.
“Are you an angel?”
She laughed. “What?”
“You just seem perfect.”
“I am far from perfect, but I know what I want. And if that means I must be patient and wait for when you’re ready, then I will. I still think you’re an asshat sometimes, and you’ll probably frustrate me just as much as you excite me, but well, I couldn’t imagine my life without you.”
My heart clenched at her words, both painfully and joyfully. God, sometimes this emotion thing sucked. I’d barely had my heart back for a day and I already wished it gone again. How was I supposed to understand what she meant if her words caused me pain and joy?
We stood like that, hands together, staring out at the valley and I felt peace. It felt right having her there next to me, even though my hound was itching to come out and play with her, but I’d save that for when I was feeling a bit more in control of myself. I wasn’t sure my hound was quite ready for complex emotions.
Lori turned her dark eyes to mine and I could sense a wariness and fear in them. It seemed having my heart back was making it easier for me to understand the emotions of others better, too.
“I need to go. There’s a Sin Reaper that needs feeding and a soulbond that needs fixing.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” I wasn’t quite ready to let her go.
Shame crept into her eyes, and she looked away. “No. Iveri is coming with me to help, and I don’t think I would want you to watch me feed.”
Her eyes found her feet as she spoke, and I could tell she was embarrassed and feared my reaction.
I cupped her face and brought her eyes back to mine, saddened that she felt she had to hide from me.
“Lori, it won’t make me think any less of you. I just want to be there for you, but I understand if you’d rather be alone.”
She blinked away a couple of tears and she swallowed nervously. “I think I’d like you there. If you wouldn’t mind?”
I swiped a tear away with my thumb. “Of course, I don’t mind. Now, let me put a shirt on. Unless you’d rather me stay shirtless?” I gave her a wolfish grin and she giggled.
She took a step closer, never one to be out done by me, and trailed her fingers across my abs. My muscles flexed beneath her featherlight caress.
“As much as I’d like to stare at this all day, I really don’t want anyone looking at what’s mine.”
And with that, she left me grinning like a fucking idiot. Oh god, I was smitten. There was no hope for me.
Chapter 33
