Page 30 of To Crave Deeply
“Just out of curiosity,” I mumbled into the sweet, lavender smell of her hair. “What exactly did you ask Violette for?”
She pulled back and looked up at me with an adorable little frown creasing her forehead. “Why?”
“She tends to manipulate the words of the deal. Say you asked to be as rich as some King, she wouldn’t make you rich but rather make the King poor.”
“Oh, what a bitch.”
I nodded. Violette was definitely a piece of work. I’d underestimated her and that was how I’d landed in this mess in the first place.
Lori placed her hand over the spot where my heart should be. “I asked her to put your heart back where it belongs.”
If I had a heart, it would have stopped beating at Lori’s words. That meant… shit. Did it? Fucking Hell, it just might.
“Do you know what this means?” I said as a sudden rush of something flared in my chest. It was the most I’d felt in years.
“No. Alec, are you alright?”
She looked concerned; Hell, I’d look at me the same way right now. There was something blossoming deep in my chest, bursting to life in the deep empty cavern where my heart should be. I wanted to shout from the mountains. I wanted to—
I pressed my lips against Lori’s in a short, firm kiss. She let out a delicious giggle and I couldn’t understand why I wanted to join in.
“You’ve gone crazy,” Lori chuckled. “What’s gotten into you?”
“Don’t you see? Even if she doesn’t have my heart, she has to put it back. All these years, I thought it was impossible. I thought I’d never see the day when I might even get the faintest hint of breaking my curse. Then you, beautiful, sweet, foolish Lori, you put everything at risk for me and make a deal with a ruthless witch for me. For my heart. And I…” My words trailed off as something held me back. Lori smiled up at me with hope and joy beaming in her eyes. At least I think she did. I struggled to really tell anymore.
I wanted to kiss her again, I really did, but I stopped myself because there was a niggle of doubt lingering in my stomach. How could she want me after everything I’ve done? Fear snaked its icy hand up my spine and I faltered. I could see she’s waiting for it; her face was upturned towards mine and her eyes darkened as her lids drooped. And I couldn’t do it. Something was still holding me back and I fucking hated the fact that I didn’t know why.
I placed my lips on her forehead but it was all I could let myself do. It was the limit of tenderness I could manage right now, and I hated myself because when I pulled back, I could see the sting of rejection burning in her eyes.
“Lori… I’m sorry. I just… can’t right now.”
She stepped out of my arms and put some distance between us. A distance that felt insurmountable.
“No, it’s okay,” she said softly with a smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes as it had earlier.
And now I felt like a dick.
“Look, I like you,” I blurted, sounding like a stupid fucking teenager. “But I’ve never… I don’t know how to… shit. Why is this difficult?” I couldn’t believe my mind had chosen this fucking moment to turn me into a blathering idiot. My hand flew through my hair, and I couldn’t even look at her.
I snuck a glance and she had her bottom lip pressed between her teeth as she tried to hold back a smile. I suddenly wished the ground would swallow me whole.
“I like you, too,” she said with a silly smile caressing her mouth. “Let’s just take it one step at a time.”
I nodded. I could do that. Or at least try. Knowing that I was one step closer to finally getting my heart back was as terrifying as it was exciting. I’d been so long without it that I feared I wouldn’t know how to love someone, and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her.
“Come on, let’s go and join the others.” I held out my hand and she took it, her small fingers intertwining with mine like it was the most natural thing in the world. I just prayed I could find myself worthy of her affection.
Chapter 11
FENRIS
She was back. How the fuck was she back? It was shameful and horrible, but I thought that with her gone, I might finally be able to turn my mind to focusing on Elissa. She was my future. Not Lori. I was annoyed and angry and part of me hated her for coming back. I was a seething, roiling mess of guilt and my stomach churned so much that I thought I might actually vomit.
Elissa kept side-eyeing me. She knew how I felt about Lori. I knew that she knew, and it was all kinds of messed up. Elissa and I were never going to be in love, but it didn’t matter. We were being held to much higher standards than mere love.
I inwardly scoffed. It was ridiculous how mages were still stuck in the medieval days. Sometimes they were brilliant and forward thinking, wanting to progress and bolster the mage numbers via new, modern ways and then other times, they were just so backward. So steeped in tradition that it was fucking eyewatering. It was the twenty-first century, for fucks sake, and I was being led like a lamb to slaughter in an arranged marriage.
That was unfair. I liked Elissa; everybody liked Elissa. She was being primed for the highest seat a woman can achieve in the Guild, the Enchantress, so of course, everybody liked her. To the mage community, she was a powerhouse, a force to be reckoned with, an alliance to be made, but no one got to see the real her like I did. Like Lori did.
