Page 89 of To Crave Deeply
“What’s this all about, Lori?” Alec asked drearily as he entered the room. He was the last one to join us and he’d clearly been in the middle of something with the secondary teams. Discussing tactics and action plans, no doubt. But this was important. I wanted to know why they’d all lied to me.
Alec sat on the end of the sofa next to Saskia and Fenris. Rae and I occupied the one opposite. Elissa was nowhere to be seen. As soon as we’d returned from the square, something urgent had come up at the Arcane Forum and she’d needed to leave immediately. Although, I don’t imagine it would have been quite so urgent if Fenris had been more attentive.
I fixed them all with a resolute stare. “I want to know why you omitted to tell me that Cassian had returned.”
Silence greeted my words, and a sheepish look crossed all their faces. Great. Everyone knew except me.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because the Cassian that came back wasn’t the same man who died,” Alec said softly. “Look, I get that you’re angry, but Cassian isn’t sane. There’s something wrong with him.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“It’s like he’s stuck in some sort of memory. He keeps referring to someone called Sanna and Von, but we don’t know who that is. We’ve been trying to help him, but we can’t get through to him.” Alec leant forward as he spoke, clearly trying to close the distance and be comforting but I was still angry, and comfort was the last thing I wanted.
“You should have told me; I could have helped.”
“Really?” Alec said incredulously. “Even though he’s fighting his own dragon and stuck in some memory loop.”
“Yes!” I yelled. “I think I know who they are. When we met in the afterlife, he told me things. Things about what he did after his family was brutally murdered. I could help.”
Alec looked at the others, as if asking for their permission, and my anger rose. I jumped to my feet and pointed my finger accusingly at them.
“Look, I know I haven’t been part of this team as long as any of you, and I wasn’t handpicked to join your elite ranks, but I know I’m part of this team. I had just as much right as you to know that Cassian had returned. More so in fact, since there was clearly something between us, even if he wouldn’t have admitted it. I can’t believe you would have kept this from me, and I’m hurt that you didn’t think me worthy of your trust.”
“You go, girl,” Rae encouraged from behind me.
“Thanks, babe.”
Alec got to his feet and stood before me. “It’s not that we didn’t trust you. Jasper just wanted to protect you. He didn’t want you to see Cassian like this. He didn’t want to upset you more than you already were over losing Cassian.”
Anger raged through me. “That wasn’t his decision to make.”
“Like it or not, it’s what he decided, and he isn’t here to defend himself. I’m sorry that we didn’t tell you, but Jasper made us swear an oath not to.”
My jaw dropped at Alec’s words. Jasper had bound them with an oath? What a ridiculous thing to do.
“I want to see him.”
Alec winced. “Lori…”
“Please, Alec. I need to. The last time I saw him, I…” I couldn’t even say the words. The guilt was still too raw and visceral.
“Lori, I know you want to see him, but he’s not in the right place. He’s not whole.”
“Let me try, Alec. I need to. I couldn’t save him last time; please let me try to save him now.”
Fenris coughed softly. “She might be able to reach him, Alec. It’s worth a try.”
Alec bowed his head in defeat. “Look, it’s late. Why don’t you sleep on it, and if you still want to see him tomorrow, we can do that when we’re all rested and less likely to make mistakes.”
I nodded. “Okay, that seems sensible.”
Alec reached out and squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. “We’ll figure this out. Together.” He turned to the rest of the team. “Alright everyone, dismissed. Let’s meet back here in the morning at 9am sharp.”
I made to leave, but Alec held me back. I looked up into his honey-coloured eyes and saw them swirl with concern. “Please, don’t go down there without us. I’d hate for something to happen to you.”
“Okay, I’ll wait until tomorrow.”
