Page 1 of Faith Notes
Chapter 1
Georgia
5 Weeks
There are two lines.
What does that mean?
In normal circumstances, I consider myself an intelligent woman. However, right now, I feel pretty dumb.
I’ve been staring at the blue and white box in my hand for the past four minutes, yet I still can’t comprehend the meaning of the two pink lines staring back at me.
My hands tremble as I read over it again and again, willing the words to soak into my head, but for some reason, they aren’t.
“Peach.” A knock comes from the bathroom door, and I startle, nearly throwing the test and box in my hand. “Are you in there?”
“Yeah, Gray.” My voice sounds wobbly even to my own ears, and I pray he doesn’t notice. But I should have known that my husband is too observant for his own good—especially when it comes to me.
“Are you okay?” The gruffness of his voice is a warning. If I can’t convince him I’m okay, he’ll be busting through the door in two seconds to check on me, and I don’t want that—not yet, anyway.
“I’m fine. I just have a headache. I’ll be out in a minute.”
It’s not a lie, at least not exactly. My headishurting—just not for the normal reason.
“Are you sure?”
Grayson’s concern only adds to the mix of emotions swirling inside of my stomach. My back finds the edge of the sink as I slowly slide down the cabinet to the floor, my wobbly legs no longer able to hold me up.
“Yeah, Grayson. I’m sure.”
There’s a beat of silence, and I close my eyes, hoping he leaves, and then he clears his throat. “If you’re sure you’re okay—I’m going to work. I won’t be home for lunch. I’m meeting Brooks today. Text me if you need anything, okay?”
I nod before realizing that he can’t see me. Grayson and his brother, Brooks, have made it a point to start having lunch together at least once a week. I’m proud of the two because there was a time when I thought they would never get along—not after they found out the hard way they were brothers.
They haven’t been in each other’s lives long, but now that they are, they are quickly becoming good friends.
It makes me happy for Grayson because he needs a friend outside of me, and for that friend to be his brother makes it even better.
“Have fun with Brooks. Love you.” I push as much false cheer into my voice as possible to make it believable, only sighing in relief when I hear him call, “Love you too,” as his footsteps retreat.
With Grayson gone, my eyes dart back to the two lines on the stick in my hand and then back to the box, reality slowly sinking in.
My stomach rolls, and I’m afraid I might puke, which is silly. Grayson and I planned for this. We are excited to be parents, but for some reason, dreaming about a baby and actually having one are two different things.
A sadness I can’t explain sits on my chest, and I hate it because this anxiety that I’ve been experiencing since becoming a widow at thirty is ruining a moment that should have been happy.
I thought things would get better after Grayson and I got married, and they have, in a way. I no longer sit in my grief for days on end, but grief is fickle. Sometimes, it creeps up on you when you least expect it.
And this is a moment I least expected it.
I want this baby with Grayson. I do, but sometimes, it’s hard to be happy about a dream coming true when it comes at the expense of another. Nate, my late husband, and I used to talk about having kids, too, but then he was diagnosed with cancer, and he never recovered. The thought of experiencing something he was never able to causes guilt to eat at my stomach.
It’s why I didn’t want Grayson to see me right now.
This baby growing inside of me is his kid, too, and he deserves the moment he finds out to be filled with joy, not this whirlwind of emotions I’m experiencing.
My head throbs, and I know I can’t stay on the floor much longer. I have things that I have to get done today.
