Page 22 of Faith Notes
Reaching out, I place my hand over his to stop him from looking yet.
He looks up at me with a question in his eyes.
“Does it matter to you—whether it’s a girl or boy, I mean?” I ask.
Grayson shakes his head, but I don’t miss the fear in his eyes.
“Hey,” I say, scooting closer to climb into his lap. He pulls me to him willingly, and I throw my leg over his so I’m facing him, “tell me what’s going on in your head right now.”
The muscle works in his jaw, a sure sign he’s trying to hold back, but I won’t let him. Lifting my hands, I cup his face until he looks down at me.
“Talk to me, Gray.”
He clears his throat and nods, his icy blue eyes piercing mine. I watch a hundred thoughts run through his mind until he settles on how to talk to me. That’s the thing about Grayson; he lovesto fix things for me but doesn’t always know how to let me fix things for him.
“I just want you to know that no matter what this baby is, I will love them.”
“But?”
He looks over my shoulder, not quite meeting my gaze. “But I’m terrified of this baby being a boy?”
My thumb rubs over the scruff on his jaw. “Why, Grayson?”
His eyes flick to mine for a second and then back over my shoulder again. “Because I’m terrified he will turn out like me.”
His fear crashes into me, and it’s all I can do not to sling my arms around his neck and hold him to me as tight as I can. But right now, I need him to hear what I have to say before I do.
“Grayson Lewis, you look at me right now,” I demand.
He does but is reluctant, offering me a smirk to lighten the mood.
“You’ve got that mom voice down pat already,” he says, trying to take the attention off him, but I’m not having it.
We aren’t joking right now. Not this time. I need you to listen to what I have to say because it’s important, okay?”
That wipes the smirk off his lips, and he nods, clearing his throat like this makes him uncomfortable. That’s too dang bad, though, because he’s been there a thousand times to talk me out of my head. It’s my turn to repay the favor.
“It would be my honor to have a son who is everything like you because I know sometimes you can’t see it, Grayson, but you are one of the greatest men I’ve ever met. You are kind, even if you try to hide it behind your smirk. You love fiercely, and you take care of the people you love. And if that envelope says we are having a boy, I will thank God for the chance to raise him to be just like you.”
The muscle in Grayson’s jaw works as he swallows, trying to hold himself together. But it’s not enough. I want him to know he can fall apart with me, and I’ll always put him back together.
“I haven’t always been that man, Peach.”
I shake my head, denying it. “No. You just haven’t always allowed yourself to see it. But you’ve always been that man, Grayson. Now, are you ready to see what’s on that paper?”
Lifting his hand, he holds it between us. “Why don’t you do the honors?”
With unsteady hands, I take it from him but stop once more. “Ask me what I hope it is.”
His throat works, swallowing around the emotion I see playing in his eyes. “What do you hope it is, Peach?”
“I hope it’s a boy because I would get to love a smaller version of you.”
He leans forward, placing a soft kiss against my lips, and when he pulls back, tears still slide down his cheeks, soaking into his beard as I unfold the paper.
And when I read the words printed in black, my cheeks ache from the smile that splits across my face.
“Well, if you really want a girl, we’ll just have to try again, but this little guy is the answer to my prayers, I think.”
