Page 36 of Faith Notes
“I know, son. I know.” One of his hands rests on top of my head while the other arm is wrapped around my neck, squeezing me tight.
My tears soak his shirt, but he doesn’t seem to mind. When I try to pull away, he only holds me tighter.
I don’t resist it. I need him, and I’m in no position to deny it.
We stay just like that, me sitting on a hard plastic chair with my head resting against my dad’s stomach and my dad holding me together until I lose track of time.
It may be mere seconds, or it may have been longer, but I don’t know. Time is my enemy—an entity that may only drag me closer to news I do not want to hear.
My dad’s hand begins to stroke my hair, and then I hear his deep voice rumble through his chest. “Dear Heavenly Father, I’ve failed my son most of his life, but you haven’t. Even when we cannot see you, you are there. Please save our Georgia girland my new grandson, Lord. We need them both. My son needs them.”
The words sound nice, but my heart is numb.
I begged God not to take my wife in that delivery room, and now I’m sitting here, not knowing if she made it through.
I want to say that, after everything Georgia and I have been through, my faith in him is unyielding. But I can’t lie—it feels like I’m failing this test.
“Georgia Lewis’s family.”
Lifting my head, I find Doctor Madoc standing by the doors that lead back to my wife and son. She’s wearing a grim look on her face, and my heart sinks.
“I can’t—I can’t do this, Dad.”
He crouches in front of me, grabbing my hands between his and meeting my gaze. “Maybe you don’t feel like you can, and that’s okay. But here’s the thing: no matter what news that doctor has, Georgia is counting on you to do what’s best for her and your son. Right now, that means finding out what that doctor has to say. So maybe you don’t have the strength for yourself—but you have to find it for your wife.”
My throat aches when I swallow and then nod.
“Okay,” I agree.
“Okay.” My dad repeats, clapping my shoulder and pulling me up with him.
The walk over to the doctor is like a blur in my mind. In the back of my mind, I take note of the time on the clock that rests right above the doctor’s head because no matter what news comes next, this will be a moment that changes the rest of my life.
When I’m finally standing in front of her, I hold my breath, waiting.
Her smile is grim as she looks at me, and I can only imagine what I look like to her.
“Would you like to meet your son?”
Chapter 15
Georgia
35 Weeks
The place where I am is bright white—so bright that it’s all I can see.
I don’t know how I got here. All I know is that the pain from before is gone. Now, all that’s left is blissful numbness.
It’s peaceful here, and I think I could stay here forever.
They are waiting for you.
The thought niggles at the back of my mind, but I can’t quite grasp it.
Who is waiting on me?
I can’t remember, but there’s a weight in my mind telling me that whoever the “they” are is important.
