Page 6 of Faith Notes
“You’re making me nervous,” I snap.
“Sorry,” he whispers, the corners of his mouth tipping up in a sheepish grin.
I drag my hand up to his, intertwining our fingers as I take a breath deep enough to burn my lungs.
“Whatever happens, we will be okay,” I say, squeezing his leg.
My voice is steady this time, but inside, I’m being shredded apart.
This morning, I woke up to some spotting, and when I saw it, I couldn’t stop the panic that took over. Grayson woke up to me sobbing on the bathroom floor.
He didn’t ask any questions—just laid down on the floor beside me and held me while I cried. And when I could finally breathe again, he wiped my tears as I explained what had happened.
Everything after that was like a blur. He called the doctor, getting my appointment for later this week moved up to today. Then he brushed my hair, picked out my clothes, and led me to the car, all while I dissociated.
By the time we got to the doctor’s office, I was numb, and I remained that way as we checked in.
After going through Nate’s cancer journey, I tend to always prepare myself for the worst. I hate that I do it, but I don’t know any other way.
Therapy helps, but it never entirely takes the panic away.
Grayson’s thumb strokes against the back of my hand, and he leans over, pressing a kiss against my hair. “Yeah, Peach. We’ll be okay.”
“Georgia—” A nurse with a clipboard calls my name, and Grayson and I stand, never letting go of each other.
“That’s me,” I say as we draw closer.
The nurse offers me a kind smile. “My name’s Maddie. I’ll be your nurse today. Can you tell me your last name and birthday?
“Sure. Montgomery, and March 17th.”
“Great. If you could just follow me.”
We follow her down a long hallway, its walls filled with baby pictures, and I avert my eyes to the ceiling as we walk.
A pain stabs my chest, right under my ribs.
Please, God. Please let this baby be okay.
The prayer is wooden, whispered from the mouth of a woman who begged for him to save someone I loved from dying before.
In my heart, I know that whatever happens, it’s not his fault, but right now, a storm of anger is brewing in my stomach.
Maddie leads us to the exam room at the end of the hallway and then closes the door behind us.
“Georgia, if you could, take a seat on the table, please. Your husband can sit on the chair beside it.”
Nodding, I let go of Grayson’s hand, my whole body trembling from the loss of his strength.
I climb onto the table, and Maddie opens her computer screen.
“I’m going to ask you a few questions, and then Dr. Madoc will be right in, okay?”
I can’t force words past my lips, so I just nod once again.
“Great. Do you know about how many weeks you are? Just an estimate will be fine. We will do an ultrasound here in a bit to confirm.”
“Twelve weeks.” The words come out as a croak, and I have to clear my throat before trying again. “Twelve weeks. Maybe a little more.”
