Page 89 of Wilder at Heart
It’s not really that I’m offended. It’s more that I can’t deal with this intrusion from the real world. This reminder that I have an agenda. An end-game. And my long-term plans don’tinclude Theo Montague’s confusing and addictive web of sex and excitement. A web I’m way too tangled up in currently.
I also can’t deal with the fact that said long-term plans will require me to turn my back on the best sex I’ve ever, ever had.
I’ll have to completely retrain my vagina.
Lower its expectations.
And apologise to it.
But that doesn’t mean I want to address any of those things right now, when Theo and his outrageous talents have completely consumed me.
Subsumed me. This guy has pulled me under, and I don’t even want to fight it. Even though I’m completely out of my depth.
He relents. Looks at his burger and puts it down with a sigh.
‘Sorry, baby. I know it’s not cool to bring him up. But look. This isn’t normal, what we have. I love sex, don’t get me wrong. But that’—he jerks his thumb towards the bedroom door—‘was fucking unbelievable. The way we’ve connected is, like, insane, sweetheart.’
‘In bed.’
‘Huh?’
‘The way we’ve connected in bed is insane. I agree. We seem to have amazing sexual chemistry.’ I pop a fry in my mouth, trying for nonchalance. I refuse to be disadvantaged in this conversation just because Romeo here has slept with tens, or hundreds, more people than I have. I’m not naïve. I’ve said it already; I understand that what we have is a trick of chemistry. Biology.
And that’s it.
Theo’s made it clear he enjoys women but doesn’t fall for them. Elle’s warned me against getting attached. Hell, even Jonathan’s warned me he’s no good for me. So I’ve worked hardto make sure I ring-fence thisthingwe have, so it doesn’t touch my heart.
‘Well, yeah, but… I’d argue it’s more than that. So forgive me for struggling with the fact that you’re still planning on walking away from this and shacking up with your ex in some Georgian fucking rectory.’
I rub my forehead. I’m so confused by this man and what he wants from me. And I’m not going to let him move the goal posts now.
We had adeal.
‘Theo. This whole time, you’ve just been trying to get me into bed. Telling me our fake relationship could use some real benefits. Telling me love is far less important than chemistry when it comes to good sex. So yes. You win. You’ve converted me—I’m totally sold. Our chemistry is ridiculous. I’m addicted to you. It’s like you—it’s like you own my body. But love is still more important to me. Stability. A future with someone like Jonathan, who?—’
‘Someone like Jonathan?’His voice is steely. ‘OrJonathan?’
Shit. ‘With Jonathan. You know what I mean. He can give me what I want.’
Hurt flashes in his eyes. ‘So all I can give you is mind-blowing sex, and you’re not interested in that.’
‘Of course I am! But I want more. You know that.’ I finger the soft, fraying hem of his t-shirt. ‘Sorry, I’m confused. You’ve never offered me anything more. Never suggested it. I’m really flattered by how much you seem to enjoy sleeping with me—it’s amazing, honestly. I never thought I’d do it for you like that.
‘But while doling out orgasms like sweets is very noble, you’ve never suggested you’re interested in anything else. I know you think I’m an uptight pain in the ass. We want different things out of life. You have big plans; you want to crack the Big Apple. I want to settle down. You’ve made it clear you think mydream future is lame as hell.’ I throw my hands in the air in frustration. ‘Forgive me if I’m wrong, but that doesn’t add up to much beyond what we’ve got right now.’
I lean forward. Scratch that gorgeous beard, trying not to think about how fucking good it felt chafing against my core earlier when I was on my hands and knees. He really is divine. He’s like some kind of dream—an erotic Mafia romance dream.
‘And what we’ve got right now isamazing,’ I whisper.
He twists his head so he can kiss my fingers. ‘Answer me one question, no messing around, and I’ll shut up.’
I tense. Nod.
‘Do you still love him?’
I look at this man in front of me. So picture-perfect. Underestimated. Funny. Generous. In bed and out. (But especially in.) Addictive. Shocking. Dangerous. Destabilising.
And in my mind’s eye, I see Jonathan. Steadfast. Patrician. Conservative. Handsome. Honest. A family man. The guy I know will make a great dad for our kids. My rock.
