Page 102 of Lily In The Valley
“I still love you, Kelly,” I said.
She looked up. “I think it’s good I’m going home tomorrow. Maybe we give it time. Space. Try being friends for real.” Her smile was small but real. She walked to the door. Paused with her hand on the knob. “Thank you, Big Head.”
“For what?”
“For letting me be messy. And still seeing me.”
I didn’t say anything. Just nodded once. And when the door clicked shut behind her, I stood there with my back against the sink, head tilted to the ceiling. Trying not to ask what it would’ve felt like if I hadn’t let her go.
Chapter 31
Kelly
Vanessa’s housesmelled like warmth and something sweet, perhaps from the peach cobbler Lynn reheated from the baby shower. The lights were dim, warm, and mellow. R&B played low in the background. Cleo Sol, Tems, and Solange. It was a girls’ night. Maybe one of the last ones we’d have for a while, with Vanessa nearing her due date and me flying back to Seattle to finish my fellowship.
Khalil and the guys dragged Xavier out for one last night before fatherhood consumed his sleep schedule and his freedom. Vanessa wore a ribbed maternity dress and fuzzy socks. Her edges were slick and her twist out even fuller from the baby shower. She was glowing and exhausted and over it, all at once. Nyah and Lynn were posted up on the couch, passing Karter between each other. He ate up every moment all the belly rubs, cooing, the occasional nugget of chicken slipped under the table.
“I think Karter loves me,” Nyah said as Karter rolled onto his back on her lap.
“He loves attention,” I said, sipping tea. “Y’all just make yourselves easy targets.”
“Well, he clearly has taste,” Lynn added.
Vanessa shook her head. “Y’all clowning, but I’m telling you right now. I want my baby girl to be just like him. Low maintenance and always happy to see me.”
We laughed. The baby shower was still fresh in our minds. The music, the food, the joy, the love, all of it was perfect.
“I still can’t get over how beautiful it turned out,” Vanessa said, rubbing her belly. “Mama and Ma Josie outdid themselves.”
“They really did,” Nyah said, sipping her tea. “But what I really want to know is where did you and Khalil sneak off to after the reveal?”
I raised an eyebrow.
Lynn perked up. “Oh, this is my kind of tea. Do tell, Kelly. Where did y’all go?”
I gave them the rundown of how I cried watching Vanessa and Xavier and told Kahlil I needed a moment. How he pulled me into the bathroom and waited with me. How staring there, looking at him–so attentive, so supportive, so caring I just couldn’t help myself.
“Then I kissed him.” Three pairs of eyes locked on me like I’d just admitted to eloping in Vegas. “It just happened. One minute we were talking, then we were holding hands. He put his hand on my back and pulled me close. I leaned in. He leaned in.”
Vanessa smiled. “And what else?”
“And I pulled back. Said it was better for us to be friends while I work through my shit. I don’t want to hurt him again.”
Lynn raised a skeptical brow. “You two are exhausting. Fucking friends, Kelly?”
Nyah gave me a concerned look. “Is that what you really want?”
“No,” I said, looking at my glass mug. “My love for him is still there. But he’s trying to move on. I want to respect that.”
Vanessa stood up, hand on her back. “Whew, this baby is active tonight. I’m gonna run to the restroom.” She waddled off toward the hall. Karter hopped down and followed behind her, barking, before returning to the couch.
“You sure you’re okay?” Nyah asked.
“I’m trying to be,” I said. “But it’s hard. I don’t want to keep getting in the way of Khalil being happy, even if it is with Tasha.”
Lynn looked me over. “You get to want stuff too, even if it doesn’t live up some magical list of perfection you’ve concocted.”
Before I could reply, we heard a sharp inhale. Then footsteps. Vanessa appeared at the edge of the hallway, gripping the wall.
