Page 14 of Lily In The Valley
And just like that, he gave me what nobody else had. Space. No pressure to be solid in my strength, just to make someone else feel like they’d done their part. He pulled out a pack of banana flavored Now & Laters, wrapped back the outer wrapper, and placed a pocket warmed square into the palm of my hand.
“Banana? What are you? Sixty?” I smirked. An uncontrollably smile tugged at my lips. I gave up the fight within seconds.
“Quit playing with me,” he joked back. “Everybody and they mama know banana the best flavor… Sweet. Just like you.”
My mind went blank. My. Mind. Went. Blank. Me, the one who normally had a sassy quip ready at the hip. All I heard was that Barbie rapper’s new song playing on repeat. I was the toddler and his corny line was candy that I wanted more and more.
“Thanks,” I said once my brain began functioning again. He watched me unwrap the candy and pop it in my mouth.
He looked behind me at the house. “You know, Ms. Sonya was happy when she moved to this house. Always had a pot of something ready to feed somebody. Man, I miss them neckbones and gravy.”
“Yeah,” I said, the candy watering my mouth. “She always had a way of feeding people. Aside from flowers, cooking was her favorite hobby. She liked sharing with others.”
He glanced at me. “But she loved cooking for you most. When you’d visit, back in the day, she’d talk about it for weeks before and after. ‘I gotta get some cold cups in the fridge for my Kelly-girl. Ummhuh Jeanne. She only like the red ones,’” he said, half-laughter, half-mimicking my grandmother’s smoke-coated voice.
I looked away, cheeks warming. “They were my favorite. She’s my… Was my favorite person.”
“I believe that,” he said, smiling. “You were hers, too.”
“How do you know that? You haven’t lived here since Katrina.”
“Because I know. Y’all got the same energy. Light up a room when you walk in. Even when you ain’t got shit to say.”
I laughed. A real one, short and surprised. “You don’t even know me like that.”
“Yeah I do. I be seeing your posts on Facebook. I know you see me liking them bitches.” He then proceeded to mock my signature pose. Head tilted, lips pursed, double-fisted peace sign.
I laughed again. Snorted something fierce. Gripped my belly as I tried to take him seriously. I grabbed one of his arms, begging him to stop his impromptu photoshoot. “Khalil, stop. I do not do that.”
He took my hand in his, looping his finger through mine. “Yeah, you do,” he said, licking his lips. “It’s cute, though.”
Our eyes locked as the cicadas picked up their song around us.
“Stop looking at me.”
“You right here in my face. Where else I’m supposed to look?”
I rolled my eyes, but I didn’t look away. My chest tightened. Not in a bad way. Just in a way that made me feel seen and naked at the same time. A pause passed between us. Cars passed on the street in front of us.
“I’m angry she’s gone,” I said softly. “I hate everyone keeps operating in their own world, like they don’t see me here hurting.”
He didn’t flinch. Just grabbed my other hand, locking it with the other one he still held. His thumb swept over the backs, slow and sure. “You don’t gotta be strong with me,” he said. “I told you way back when, I got you.”
“Oh yeah? Me and how many other girls? Don’t think I don’t see the girls commenting on your posts.”
When he laughed, he made the air feel easier to breathe. “You got jokes, huh? I wouldn’t need them girls commenting on my shit if you wasn’t always ghosting me.”
I narrowed my eyes. When I opened my mouth to speak, his aunt hollering down the street cut me off.
“Khalil, bring your ass in this house and start packing these boxes!”
“Here I come!” he answered back, then looked back at me. “I’m gonna be out here the rest of the week. Let me show you what you missing out on when you start dipping out on a nigga. Help you take your mind off everything else.”
“I guess,” I replied, struggling to keep my excitement at bay. As he stood, I followed, swiping the dirt off of my pants. I looked at the ground, the porch behind me, the cars turning on the corner. Everywhere but him.
“Come here, Lily-girl.” He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into his chest. He smelled like Irish Spring soap and Old Spice. My body nestled into the embrace. “Fuck what everybody else got going on. You wanna be sad, be sad. You wanna cry, cry. You wanna laugh, laugh. You hear me?”
I looked up to see he was staring down at me. Tears lined the rims of my eyes. “How am I supposed to keep living and she’s gone?”
