Page 7 of Lily In The Valley
“That part,” Vanessa added.
I smiled with my heart this time. “Thanks, y’all. I’m just ready to know. I’ve worked my whole life for this moment. I just need the universe to take me a little further.”
“It will, Kelly,” Lynn said. “The universe always shows up for bad bitches.”
We stayed on the phone a little while longer until I grew tired of my friends’ thinly veiled attempts to get answers to what was going on between Khalil and me. Nothing was going on. Well, nothing that needed to be shared with anyone that wasn’t Khalil or me. After I said goodnight, I sat in my thoughts, staring at the black screen of my laptop. I tapped the keyboard, the screen lighting in the dim light of my living room. My rank order list confirmation stared back at me–each hospital chiseled in stone, waiting to decide my destiny. I’d spent countless hours deciding the order after several interviews nationwide, much to my father’s chagrin.
I’d chosen Boston Children’s Hospital, Johns Hopkins Children’s Center, Texas Children’s Hospital, Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital, and Seattle Children’s Hospital. In a little over a week, I’d have my answer. I should have closed my laptop and gone to bed. Instead, I searched my computer files and opened the document that included my personal statement. I reread the first line, each word a building block to my own personal scripture:My goal is not just to treat illness but to preserve hope, especially in children, where a little joy goes a long way.
Ugh, these words, my voice. Honest, but a little too preachy, a little too polished. Would the selection committee read it and see what work I put into living these words daily? Would they see the woman who stayed late, reading bedtime stories to her patients? Would they see the woman who brought stickers and silly socks during each round? The one who didn’t flinch when parents broke down in her arms after hearing there was nothing we could do to save their precious baby. Or would they see another high-achiever ticking off boxes, ready to add another title to their name?
I closed the laptop and threw myself back on the couch, Disney princess-style, arm draped over my forehead. My phone buzzed.
Khalil.
I smiled before I picked up. I’d been trying for years to fight this feeling, but something about seeing his name made my breath hitch each time. Not because I had feelings for him–though he was always fine, even more so with age, and had a voice that curled around your spine, spellbinding drawl that made you think you were in a dream–but because hesawme. Not Kelly Reid. Not the valedictorian. Not the fun one. Not the doctor.Lily-girl.
I swiped to answer his FaceTime. “What you want, Big Head?”
“Shit, at least you know.” He laughed into the phone. There was a long pause, long enough to feel intimate. “You good?”
I hesitated, then said, “I’m tired.”
“Long shift?” he asked. “Them ankle-biters finally getting to you?”
“Haha. More like long life.” I sighed. “I went to my mama’s for dinner. My dad was walking out as I pulled up. Gave me the usual guilt trip.”
“Man, I know that’s your dad, but he’s a clown. All he been doing the past few months is making you and your mama feel bad for his sorry ass.” Khalil sucked his teeth.
“Exactly. I’m just…over it. And did you know Nessa’s pregnant?”
“No shit?”
“You didn’t know?” I asked, pouring myself another glass of wine. “Well, I’m sure Zay will tell you now. They were trying to wait until she’s out of the first trimester.” I paused, letting the fermented grapes marinate my tongue. “She’s so happy. Likereallyhappy.”
He was quiet, letting my comments linger in the air. “That hit you a little different, huh?”
I nodded before realizing he couldn’t see me since I’d placed my phone on the cushion next to me. “Yeah. I don’t understand it. It’s not envy. There’s no fiber in my body calling out for a baby…I know things are working out in my favor, but I don’t get excited about them anymore. Like really excited. Like the joy oozing from Nessa’s pores when she told us about the baby. Or how Lynn talks our ears off when she finalizes a contract or meets a new guy.”
“It’s because you don’t let yourself get excited, Lily-girl. I know you. You move and move, never allowing yourself time to think about what you’ve accomplished.”
“You think you know me so well.” I smirked, fiddling with the frayed edges of the throw blanket draped across the edge of my lap.
He laughed, a deep-hearted chuckle that stirred something deep within me. He paused a moment, as if reflecting, before speaking again. “I do know you. You’re the most capable woman I know, Kelly. When you walk in a room, people can’t help but stare and fall in line with the energy you bring. You set the tone.”
I swallowed. “How do you always know what to say?”
“Because I know you. Even if you trying to dip out on me and move halfway across the country.” He laughed again, this time with less enthusiasm. “What am I going to do without my big dog around?” he laughed, trying to play off whatever feelings he was having. I looked at Khalil through my phone screen, his smile wavering just a touch, even though all thirty-two of his pearly whites were on display
“I don’t know,” I said, rolling my eyes. One minute Khalil could be so sincere, almost heartbreakingly sweet. The next, he was full of jokes and silly little games that kept you at arm’s length. “Find someone else to force your horrible movie choices on.”
“Shut the hell up. Everybody and they mama knowLeprechaun in the Hoodis a classic.”
“The Woodis a classic.Training Dayis a classic. Hell,Tales From the Hoodis a classic,” I replied, standing and grabbing my phone and wine glass in the process. “Nobody’s checking for an evil leprechaun harassing people because they stole his gold.”
“That’s what they asses get. They shouldn’t have stolen his shit.”
I deadpanned at Khalil through my phone. It was then I noticed the snug black t-shirt he wore with his gold Cuban link chains. “Where are you going this time of night?”
