Page 132 of Lily In The Valley
I smacked my teeth. “You mean when you tossed me in the water and stared at me from the edge?”
“Sounds about right.” He laughed. “You weren’t scared of the water, just how deep it was.”
“Hell yeah. I could’ve drowned.”
“That’s all this is. You don’t know how deep the water is. You don’t know if your mama’s who she say she’s become.” I swallowed hard. “Trust me when I say this. Your mama had her issues, but she loved you more than you know. I spent a long time being mad at her for breaking the part of me that believed we could make it. Thought I was enough.”
“She said she left because she was broken.”
“She was. Took me awhile to see it. Understand why she did what she did. That don’t mean it’s your job to pick up the pieces.”
“But what if I want the relationship. With her. With Kahlia.”
“Then let her earn it. Take her for who she is today. Decide if there’s room for that in life now.” I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. “I’m forever proud of you. You always show up, even when it’s hard.”
“Even if I’m sitting in the car like a bitch?” I laughed.
“You and that damn mouth.” He chuckled back. “Especially then.”
We paused and listened to each other’s breathing.
“I love you, Pops,” I said quietly.
“I love you too, son. No matter what happens in there, you’re not the little boy waiting by the window. You’re a man. A good one.”
I hung up before I could cry. I turned off the engine, got out of the car, and walked inside.
Chapter 40
Kelly
Handingoff the last chart to my attending nurse was the best thing I did all day. I stepped into the low-lit elevator, desperate to escape the too bright, too cold air that’d consumed me for the past few hours. When the sliding doors hissed shut behind me, the tightness in my chest didn’t move. It just settled in deeper as I descended toward the ground level.
The sliding doors on the hospital opened to a watercolor painted Seattle—wet sidewalks, the smell of coffee beans, and rain mixing. I walked fast to my approaching Uber. Movement meant I didn’t have to think about the mother who needed answers I couldn’t give yet. As my driver maneuvered through the thickening traffic, I focused on the passing buildings blurring with lights from passing cars and traffic lights. And yet, all I saw was the brave child lying in bed in pain, the same way grief sits in a corner, waiting for you to look at it.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I let it ring as I put in my earbuds, then answered. “Hey, Big Head,” I said, my voice thin.
Khalil’s face filled the screen, his soft caramel skin warm under the lights of his apartment. He wore a white graphic t-shirt, sleeves cut off, that made his shoulders look like theperfect resting spot for my thighs. “Hey, Dr. Reid. You made it home yet?”
“Almost.” I flipped the camera to show the wet street, the neon sign of a Ramen bar on the corner, the bouncy trot of a wiener dog in a raincoat leading its owner through the damp drizzle.
“You sound tight, Lily-girl.”
“Because I am.” I sighed, flipping the camera around so he could see my pout. “It’s been a long day.”
“I can see it in your eyebrows.”
“My eyebrows are none of your business,” I replied, rolling my eyes.
He smirked. “Everything about you is my business.”
“Khalil—” The car pulled to a slow stop in front of my building. “Let me FaceTime you when I get inside.” I huffed a quick thank you to the driver and made a mad dash into the building. By the time I trudged across the threshold of my apartment, my clothes felt like they were glued to my skin. I kicked off my tennis shoes, dropped my bag next to Karter’s cage, picked up and snuggled him close to my heart. He huffed and nuzzled my chest like the world was simple.
“I know, sweet boy,” I told him. I walked us over to the couch and plopped down, setting my phone against a stack of books on my coffee table, and called Khalil back. He answered before the first ring finished. Karter began yipping at the phone as soon as his face filled the screen.
“Wazzam, lil nigga,” Khalil joked into the phone. That only caused the French bulldog to yap more into the screen, bouncing all over my lap. Khalil talked back, egging him on.
“Okay, okay,” I interrupted, placing Karter on the floor. “Y’all are doing the most.”
