Page 46 of Lily In The Valley
Vivian crouched too, but she didn’t try to touch her. Just whispered, “She loved you so much, baby. You know that, right? You were her greatest joy.”
Kelly cried harder. And I held her tighter. Xavier reached down to take a sobbing Vanessa into his arms, soothing her. His face was withdrawn, hoodie halfway zipped, eyes still red-rimmed. He didn’t say anything. Just rubbed circles on Vanessa’s back and gave me a nod. We were all helpless in that moment. And still, somehow, Kelly was the center holding all our broken pieces.
She whispered things into my chest I couldn’t understand. Names. Pleas. Maybe prayers. I didn’t know. I only knew I stayed with her. I didn’t move. Didn’t shush her. Didn’t promise things I couldn’t give. I just anchored.
Because everything that came next would hurt worse. And she needed to fall apart first.
Eventually, her breathing slowed. Not because the grief passed–grief didn’t work like that. It just got tired of roaring and started humming low beneath her ribs. She lay in my lap, face swollen, braids scattered across her face, and chest hiccuping in shallow bursts. My legs had gone numb, but I didn’t move. Wouldn’t have even if a fire broke out against the floor.
She finally looked up at me. Her lips parted, but no sound came.
“You don’t have to say anything,” I murmured.
“I should’ve been here.”
“You were where you needed to be.”
She flinched. “That’s the part that hurts the most.”
Vivian brushed a braid behind her ear. “You want to see her?”
Her eyes filled again, fast and full. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t have to decide yet. Just breathe for me, okay?” I asked, trying my best to console Kelly. Vivian continued rubbing her shoulders, tears lining her lower lids.
“I don’t want to breathe without her.”
My chest cracked.
“Take your time, Kelly,” Vivian said, reaching to grab her. “There’s no rush. When you’re ready, I’ll walk with you.”
Kelly turned toward me instead. Not because she didn’t love Vivian. But because in that moment, she didn’t want history. She wanted safety. I stood slowly, lifting her with me. She didn’t let go of my hand as we moved down the hall. Didn’t let go when we passed the nurses trying not to stare. Didn’t let go when we reached the private room with the frosted glass door and the brass plate that saidFamily Only.
I held it open. Kelly stepped in. Vivian followed. And I stayed outside. Back against the wall. Heart thudding. I listened as the door clicked shut. Soft. Final. And in that moment–standing alone in a quiet hospital hallway–I realized something I hadn’t dared to name before.Whatever came next, I wasn’t walking away from her.
Not after this.
Not ever.
Chapter 14
Kelly
There were toomany shoes by the door. Loafers, beat-up sneakers, my mom’s red-bottom heels too flashy for a day like this. I stepped over them without a word. The front door had barely shut behind me before the smell hitPine-sol, sweat, grief, and a pot of gumbo somebody had the nerve to put on, like food could make any of this any easier to digest.
I didn’t want to be here.
But I couldn’t be anywhere else.
“Kelly,” Lisa’s voice floated in from the hallway, warm and bracing. “Baby, I’m so sorry.” She didn’t wait for permission. She pulled me into a hug, arms soft but heavy with heartbreak. I let her. When she pulled back, I saw the strain in her green eyes, reddened from grief. “I’m here for you. You say the word, I’ll handle it.”
I blinked past her shoulder and caught the sight of the living room. My dad had sunken into his recliner like his bones had given up. Uncle Doug stood behind him, one hand resting on his shoulder. Xavier sat on the arm of the couch, legs crossed, lips pressed tight like he was swallowing a prayer. Wesley was off in acorner, scrolling on his phone, thumbs moving like if he stopped he might feel something.
Vanessa looked at me from her spot at the kitchen counter open to the living room. She tried to smile. I couldn’t return it. Lynn and Nyah were sitting next to her, a tissue box wedged between them, already half-empty.
“Come sit,” Lisa said. “I warmed up some gumbo your mama had in the freezer.”
I shook my head. “I’m good. I just wanted to stop by before…”
