Page 74 of Lily In The Valley
I waited hours for a reply. Nothing.
Me
You made it home safe?
I know I hurt you.
I didn’t mean to. I just…
I didn’t know what else to do.
Still nothing.
Me
Thank you for coming. I’m sorry it ended the way it did. I wish I could go back. Say things differently.
Say everything differently.
I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.
The read receipts popped up. I waited for the three dots to appear. They never did. Not that day or the next. Not that week, or the week that followed. Only messages I received were from my girls, updates from the hospital, words of encouragement from Aunt Viv and Lisa. My father called me when he had a question about something in the house. I let him talk to voicemail. Even my Uncle PJ managed to check-in once or twice.
After leaving the hospital for the day, I prepared myself for the routine FaceTime with Vanessa, Nyah, and Lynn. I was genuinely happy. For a few hours, my apartment would feel less like a tomb. Nyah picked up first, TJ hanging off her back as she put him down for bed. Vanessa followed, her face a tad bit swollen, belly poking a bit more from the last few pictures shesent me. Lynn was last to join, sipping a glass of wine, contracts in her hand.
“Damn,” Lynn said gently. “You look…”
“Like I been through what I been through,” I offered. “I know.”
Vanessa rubbed her belly as she looked on. I didn’t doubt she’d already heard Khalil’s version of events. I wouldn’t put it past him to vent to Xavier over a few beers.
Nyah tilted her head. “What happened?”
I didn’t sugarcoat it. I told them about Khalil surprising me. About finding Jordan here in what should’ve been his space. I detailed the subsequent argument. The daggers we’d thrown with our words. I traced the painful steps of his departure, seeing his back walk toward the elevators head down, disappointed, heart shattered. Quiet, final, like turning a page that couldn’t be unturned. They listened. They always did.
Nyah was the first to speak. “You were wrong.”
“Excuse me?” I wasn’t shocked she felt that way. More so stunned to hear it outside of the recorder that played in my head every day since Khalil left, giving credence to them.
“You were wrong,” she said again. “Khalil may not be perfect, but that man showed up. For years. You pushed him away, and for what?”
Vanessa nodded, slower. “You’ve been spiraling, Kelly. We’ve been trying to give you space. We get it. But pain doesn’t give you permission to wreck people you love.”
My throat tightened. “I didn’t mean to. I just wanted to feel something other than pain, if only for one night.”
“We know you didn’t mean to,” Lynn said, softly but firmly. “We know anytime you pry into our lives, you never mean to. But you still have to be accountable.”
I wanted to hang up. Wanted to disappear into my sheets and pretend none of this was happening. But I stayed. Because I needed to hear it, even if I hated every word.
“I’m trying to take accountability. I’ve called so many times, I’ve lost count. I’ve texted. I’ve said I’m sorry. He won’t respond.” The familiar burn in my eyes started again.
I noticed the uneasy way they looked at each other. The unspoken words they fought to keep from me. Lynn sipped her wine and Nyah poured her a glass.
“What is it?”
Vanessa gulped before she spoke, peering over her shoulder. “I think Khalil’s trying to move on.”
