Page 56 of Daniil
The answer is simple even though the question itself isn’t.
So many reasons to say no.
Concerns that are still valid.
Pressure to make the right decision—both for myself and for my son.
But not now.Not today.I’m allowed these stolen moments of pleasure because I’ve had so few of them, both in life and since finding out I was pregnant.And that’s why I’m giving him the only possible answer.
“Yes,” I whisper.
He smiles and takes my hand again.
* * *
We spendthe afternoon at the beach with Sandor, Lennox, and the kids.Micah isn’t overly fond of the sand, but he adores the water.Daniil holds him as tiny waves crash onto the shore, lifting him just before they hit and Micah squeals with laughter.Watching them together fills my heart with love and despite the worry continuing to niggle at the edge of my psyche, I firmly push it away.
“Watching the men we love turn into daddies is pretty awesome, right?”Lennox asks, standing next to me as I take pictures.
“I’m not in love, but yes, watching the playboy prince become a daddy has been pretty cool.”
“You don’t feel anything for him at all?”she asks softly.
“I feel a million things for him, but the issues—the reasons I went into hiding in the first place—still exist.I know he wants to see if there’s more between us, and that’s a given.But it doesn’t negate the danger.”
“I live with that risk every day of my life,” Lennox points out.“But Sandor is worth it.I don’t know how I would survive without him—he’s the other half of me.It sounds like a romantic cliché but it’s true.I had no idea there was someone out there who could make my life so much better.”
I hesitate, because the things I want to ask her are horrible.
“Go ahead,” she says, a faint smile on her lips.“Ask whatever it was that made that line form between your brows.”
“If, God forbid, something happens to your children because they’re now princes… will you still love him?Will you forgive him for putting you and your children in danger?”
“Forgive him?For what?For a random act of violence he can’t control?There are more mass shootings in the U.S.than any other developed country.Columbine.Sandy Hook…I could go on and on naming the disasters that took children’s lives while they were at school.Micah won’t necessarily be safer in the U.S.; he’ll just be less well-known.Instead of being the victim of a targeted attack, he could be an innocent bystander.I don’t think that’s any better.Also, this is morbid as fuck.”
“I know, I’m sorry.I’m just struggling.”
“You saw so much death and danger during your tours in the Middle East—what was different about the attack on the palace?”
“It was personal.What I did in Iraq and Afghanistan was war.You were in your home.And it wasn’t the first time you were home when the palace was attacked.The chances of me being the victim of not one but two home invasions is… I don’t even know the odds of that.”
“True, but we’re back to risk and reward.The rewards of having the love of my husband far outweighs the risks.”
“You’re pregnant again.With twins.If there’s an attack on the palace, who will Sandor protect?Erik or you?”
“Our children, obviously.You think we haven’t discussed this?Things change.Erik knows that.Sandor would die to protect all of us—me, our children, his family.Because in Sandor’s case, he’s not protecting a random royal family, he’s protectinghisfamily.Cousins, nieces and nephews… we’re a family.This is so much more than a job now.”
“So, you would let Casey die to protect your children?”
“If it was black and white like that, yes.And she’s okay with that.She knows the risks as well.That’s also why I don’t protect her any longer.Natalia is her personal bodyguard now because everyone understands the shift in priorities.I would still die for our family, including Casey, Erik, and the kids, butmychildren always come first.We don’t live our lives worrying about that, though.And the latest security protocols are intense.Come to a few of our morning briefings—you’ll see how seriously we take our safety.”
“I know you do.”I gaze over to where Daniil and Micah are laughing, splashing in the water.Sandor has a twin under each arm, pretending he’s going to throw them into the sea, and they shriek with laughter each time another wave comes.
To anyone watching the scene before us, they could be any other family.A regular family enjoying a day at the beach.
Maybe there is such a thing as a compromise in our situation.
I just haven’t figured out what it is yet.
