Page 14 of Like Fathers, Like Son
“It makes me feel grown up, like I’m in charge of something, even though dad never lets me near…I messed up, didn’t I?He’s hurt because I messed up.” Dad hugged me tight as I started to cry like a baby again, feeling ashamed the whole time for being so pathetic when my dad was the one really hurt.
Daddy Gray had always told me how important safety was when it came to fire, and I now understood that in the most horrifying way.
I hoped dad would still want to set fires with me when he was better, because I knew we both craved the flames too much to give it up. I really wanted a chance to prove to him that I could keep us both safe next time.
The next morning, I crept into my parents’ room, after mum and daddy Dory woke up and went down to make breakfast.
Daddy Gray was sleeping, his arm wrapped in bright white bandages and resting on a cushion beside him. I watched him for a few minutes, wishing I could talk to him, but not wanting to wake him, because surely if he was sleeping, he must not be in pain, right?
He suddenly squeezed his eyes tighter and then they popped open, and he moved a little before he gasped out that word I’m not allowed to use, but know one day I’ll use a lot.
“Dad?”
He rubbed his face roughly with his good hand and finally focused on me.
“Hey, kid, what’s up?”
I tiptoed a little closer. “I’m sorry I made you get hurt.”
He sighed and reached for me with his good arm, so I walked around and climbed up beside him, sitting down as he grabbed my shoulder and squeezed it.
“I told you this wasn’t your fault, Blaze. I know what we do is dangerous, and I took my eye off the fire like an idiot. This is all on me. Never ever think anyone blames you for this. Nobody does, you hear me?”
“But you were saving me, if I’d just been smarter, this would never have happened.”
He shook his head again, moving his good arm so he could struggle up to sit against the headboard. He groaned and took a few slow breaths after, because he was clearly in pain now.
“Dad-”
“No, you listen while I speak, okay? You’re a good kid,despite my best efforts,” he grinned and winked at me, and I couldn’t help a small smile in response.
“I’ve been setting fires since I was your age, and I’ve made some big mistakes over those years. P… people died once, and that wasmyfault. Do you understand why I’m so big on being safe? It’s dangerous, and well…okay… some people insist it’s a crime, but whatever. The point is that when you have hobbies as dangerous as this, it can get you hurt. I almost made it to forty five without a bad burn, so I think I was just overdue.”
I was shaking my head, and he grabbed my shoulder again.
“Blaze, I’m serious. I know the risks, and it was my responsibility to keep me safe, not yours. Jesus, if you hadn’t gone for the bag, I would have. Do you get it? We both knew the bag was a risk, and that was my mistake. I stuffed the bottles back inside and I left it too close. Either way you look at this, I’m the fuckup, okay?”
“Don’t swear at our children, Gray,” mum stood in the doorway shaking her head.
Dad shrugged. “I’m hardly corrupting him, Wilma-ma, look what house he lives in.”
She rolled her eyes, and brought him what was in her hands. Water and some pills.
“Thank fuck. Am I getting coffee too? Fuck me, babe, you shouldn’t be waiting on me. You’re about ready to drop a whole mass of babies. Where’s Dory? Oi Dory! Get up here and nurse me like a good boy!”
9
Anneka
Dadwasloadingthecar with our suitcases, and it was parked down the road because ‘some asshole blocked our drive’ last night. He was angry about that, but then angry seemed to be his usual way these days.
Mum was in the house finishing up whatever it is that mums do when you’re going away, so I leaned against the front wall, wanting to be ready when dad shouted for me.
“Hi.”
I turned around to see Blaze standing by his front door, so I glanced over at dad to make sure he couldn’t see me, before I moved back up the front garden to stand closer to Blaze. He looked so sad, and I wondered if something worse had happened to his dad overnight.
“Hi. You look worried, is everything okay?”
