Page 12 of Sparks of Insanity
“We need to focus on your studies, Em. We need to make sure we get you exam ready, so you can get on with your life. That’s why I’m here, and it needs to stay that way. I care about you too much to risk letting you get closer than you should.”
“So you’re just someone else who doesn’t want me, unless it suits your purposes? Or is it just that you want that other woman more?” I fucking knew it!
“That was you? You threw that rock through my window? Dammit, Em! Someone could have been seriously hurt!”
She folded her arms, glaring defiantly at me like the teenager she truly fucking was.
“Your girlfriend, you mean? She might have been hurt? Well, poor her. I mean she already has fucking everything, but yeah, let’s make sure she’s safe, and doesn’t get injured by the psycho teenager, right?”
Jesus fuck. This was getting out of hand, and this yelling was going to bring her damn fathers into this room, and I already knew I didn’t want to get on their bad side. There was something unnerving about both of them, and their entire dynamic.
“Em, please calm down. She isn’t my girlfriend, okay? She’s not… she’s not my anything, she was just-”
“Sucking face with you? I noticed you didn’t pushheraway though, just me. So it’s just me you don’t want, or is that I don’t dress slutty enough for you? Is that it? She was wearing that slutty tight top so you’d stare at her tits, right? Maybe I should do that. Is that what it’d take for you to see me as a grown up, instead of some kid?”
I clenched my fists, glancing nervously at the door again.
“You could try acting like a fucking adult, and maybe then I’ll treat you like one.”
She recoiled almost like I’d just slapped her, and that made me feel like an even bigger asshole, because she didn’t need more reasons to hurt or hate herself, did she?
“Please, let’s just draw a line under this, and focus on your lessons for today. We need to prepare you for the Geography exam, and there were some areas that-”
“So you break my heart, and then tell me to get on with my studies? Could you be a bigger asshole right now, ‘Ethan’?”
For fuck’s sake. How had this day gone so completely off the rails? I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t sit in this room with her and pretend that nothing had happened, or that nothing would happen.
If I stared at those pouty lips of hers for too long, would I have the willpower to stay away? Now I’d felt them against mine, I already knew I wanted that again. I was a predatory asshole, and she would be safer away from me.
I bent down and grabbed my bag from the floor, looping it back across my chest, as her eyes widened at me.
“This isn’t working out, Em. I can’t give you what you need now, because we’ve blurred those lines between us and I never wanted that. I tried so hard to-”
“You’re abandoning me? One little disagreement and suddenly you can’t give me what I want? Mr E, you’re the only one who can! You’re the only one who’s been able to get close,or touch me, without making me want to strike out and defend myself. The only one whose arms offered comfort instead of harm. How can you just leave me now?”
She wrapped her arms around herself, as tears started to course down her cheeks, creating dark tracks through her pale face makeup. I wished I could see the person beneath all the makeup, because she was stunning with it, but I had a feeling her real beauty was hidden beneath it.
“Em-”
“Go then,” she sobbed out, “just leave me alone, because that’s all I deserve, isn’t it? I’m just some messed up kid, who thought she’d found a friend at last, after being betrayed by literally every other person I thought was one. Why should you be any different?”
Fuck. I lifted my bag off and set it on the desk, approaching Em once more.
“If you can calm down for me, and sit down, we can try and talk this out, but you need to understand that I’m your teacher, and nothing can happen between us. It’s not right, and it’s not good for you.” Now I just had to keep reminding myself of that fact too.
8
Ember
It took too longfor me to calm down, but I sat down like he’d asked, because suddenly my biggest fear was that he’d walk through that door and I’d lose him forever. In the last twenty four hours, I’d realised so many things. So much had become clear, because there had always been a reason that he could get through to me, when others couldn’t. There had always been a reason why he could get me to focus and learn, and advance academically, when others had failed. It was because of who he was as a person, and maybe because he was actually meant for me.
That would sound so insane to anyone I said it to, not only because of the reasons he’d just spouted, but also because it sounded intense and permanent, and that wasn’t something expected of someone my age. I just knew it though. He was mine. Meant for me, and only me. That was why I’d lost it last night, when I saw that woman kissing him.
I didn’t know why I’d walked out to his house, having sneaked a peek at his address on the paperwork from the education place who’d sent him, but I just found my way there with no idea what to do when I arrived. A peek through his front window had shown me my worst nightmare; him with a woman, and them kissing. He couldn’t have someone already, he just couldn’t, because how could he be mine if he had her? I had to find out who she was, so I could scare her off in some way, right?
“Em, why don’t we work on your geography assignments for a while, and then we can take an art break?” When I lifted my eyes to look at him, he offered me a small smile.
He was trying to direct things back to the way he felt they should be, and maybe that was for the best. I could play along for now, make him think that I understood, or agreed with him, but deep down, I’d never stop planning for our future together. One day I’d be Mrs Erickson, and he’d be mine forever.
