Page 38 of Sparks of Insanity
It didn’t taste sweet to me at all, but the mere act of forcing me to suck it from his finger had me shivering again with need. Why was that so hot? Technically it was really gross, right?
Ethan smiled down at me. “You look so sweet sucking my finger like that, Em. I’d love to see you sucking my cock.” I squeezed my eyes shut again, fighting another surge of memories that I didn’t want tainting this moment. His finger left my mouth and he gripped my face in a firm grasp.
“Eyes, Ember. I’m not having you fucking dwelling on them, when you should only be thinking of me. They’re not about to fuck you, remember? I am.” He took a deep breath, his eyesclosing briefly while I watched him. He was steeling himself. Preparing.
“Fuck this,” he whispered, reaching between us again and suddenly something much larger was probing at me down there, dragging back and forth, sending shivers of pleasure back up my spine when he brushed against my clit, but suddenly he was pushing inside me, and I started to resist.
“Em, remember what you said. It’ll be easier for you if you relax. Be in the moment with me. It’s just me, remember?” I did remember, and I was looking him in the eye, but when his cock breached my hole and started to press deeper, I started to whimper.
“Em,” Ethan warned, shaking his head at me. I couldn’t help it. I wanted him, but I didn’t. I was ready, but I really wasn’t. He was so much bigger than I’d realised, and it was more painful than I’d imagined.
“No,” I hissed, pushing against his chest. Ethan stopped pushing, but didn’t pull back.
“Don’t do this to me, Em. Don’t make me force you. I don’t fucking want to hurt you.” I knew what I’d asked of him, and I knew he didn’t want to, but I couldn’t stop trying to push him away. I needed him to keep going, and I wanted him to stop. I was so confused, so afraid, as memories crashed through my mind, even as I kept my eyes on Ethan.
“Please,” I whispered, pushing against his chest again. His eyes closed again, and his shoulders sagged.
“I’m sorry, Em,” I felt him retreating, knowing he’d gone back on his word, and I was glad. I was glad, because I really wasn’t ready, and he understood that. He understood-
He thrust forward hard, his cock burrowing deep inside me, feeling like he was tearing me apart. I screamed, but he stopped only when his hips were pressed tight against mine. His forehead rested against mine, as wrenching sobs tore from mychest, as fear, panic, dread, pain, and shame all overwhelmed me, breaking me apart once more.
Ethan
I COULDN'T FUCKING BEAR it. I could feel tears sliding down my own cheeks as I watched her dissolve into pained sobs, her hands still pressing against my chest, before they moved up to cover her face instead.
How I was still hard, I had no idea, because this wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted her, of course I did, but I didn’t want this pain and sorrow from her. I didn’t want to see her so tortured that she couldn’t breathe for crying.
“I’m sorry, baby, I’m so sorry,” I whispered, trying to adjust my weight onto my elbows, so I could try and soothe her. I didn’t want to hurt her more, but she still squeaked when I moved.
“Em, please, take a breath and look at me. It’s just me. It’s just me, like you wanted, remember?”Fuck, please remember that you wanted this. I was so close to backing off when she started to panic, but if I didn’t do it now, she’d never get past this point where her barrier was physical as well as mental.
I hoped I’d done the right thing, because there was no going back now, was there? I couldn’t very well give her virginity back, because it was gone forever now. I’d forever be her first, even if she hated me for it. She should. She should absolutely fucking hate me. She’d begged me to do it, but I didn’t feel like any less of an asshole for following through with it.
“Em, calm down, I’m going to pull out, okay? It might hurt again, but I won’t do anything more to you.”
She gasped, suddenly grabbing my arms with tear-drenched palms.
“No.”
No? Seriously? “Em, please don’t make me do this. I’ve already hurt you. It’s time to stop.”
More tears dripped from her eyes, but she held on to me.
“We’ve come this far, Ethan. If we stop now, this is just another painful memory.” Well, ouch, but she was right.
“You really want me to keep going? You’re in pain.”
She sucked in a ragged breath, nodding her head.
“Please. I might not have the courage again. If I can only do this once, I need to actually do it. Please, Ethan.”
Her hands moved up, smearing tears from my cheeks.
“Please.”
Fucking hell. “If I do this, and you say stop-”
“Don’t listen to me, please.” FUCK! Why was I listening to her, and not stepping away from this entire fucked up situation? Because I want her. Because she’s finally where I wanted her, naked and spread beneath me. Because her pussy is tight and wet, and rippling around my cock like it was made for me.
